Transported
by Secrets.of.the.Wild.Rose
Summary: What starts as a routine-illegal-mission turns into a puzzling rescue, when the crew finds a girl on a vacant moon. The only problem is, she doesn't know why they keep calling it "Earth-that-was". To her, it's just Earth. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

Waking up, I felt cold. I remember that distinctly. I always could remember the cold; it made my skin crawl and my head tingle. But what I remember more than the cold was the strange men hovering above me. They were strange in so many ways, particularly because they were foreign to me, but also their clothing.

"Captain, I think you should see this." One of them spoke first, breaking the eerie silence. He had slick brown hair and wore slacks and a white shirt.

"Where…" I tried to voice my curiosity, but my courage failed and I fell silent.

"Don't talk," the second man suggested. "It'd be better for you to keep your mouth shut." This man's hair was cropped close to his skull. He was large with muscles, and I could see the marks of a tattoo around one of his bulging biceps, but it was partially hidden by a tight-fitting shirt.

I didn't know what he meant by that. Either my silence would help me physically, or perhaps he was thinking more about my situation there—wherever there was.

"Captain!" The first man called out again.

"Would you hold on just one gorram second?" A new man entered my view. His light-brown hair flopped in the wind as he hurried to join them; he was wearing suspender straps over a button-up shirt. "What the hell is this?" He towered above me and looked down with a frown. I assumed he was the captain that had been summoned.

"Our question exactly," the first man said.

"Where'd she come from?" The captain asked.

"Beats me," the muscle man shrugged.

"I mean, what's a girl like her doin' in a place like this?" the captain persisted. "And what's she wearing?"

"She a whore?"

"Jayne, you can't just assume that because she's basically naked that she's a whore."

"I'm not a whore!" I protested with a cough.

"Course you ain't," the captain looked around. "Where'd you come from?"

"I…I don't know." I tried to sit up, but my head felt heavy. I did realize why they thought I might be a whore though; I was wearing nothing but white lacy lingerie covered by a sheer slip. The strangest part of this was that I didn't own lingerie like this. "Where are my clothes?" I questioned them as though they might actually have an answer for me.

"Aren't you wearing them?" The captain asked.

"No!" I gasped. "Are you serious?"

"Sorry," he shrugged. "Didn't mean to offend you, but well…"

I forced myself to sit up so that I could try and gather my surroundings. When I saw where I was though, I wished I could be knocked out again. "Where am I?"

"Uh, well, you're on a moon."

"A moon?" I almost laughed, but I was too sore for humor. "No seriously, are we in the desert? How did I get in the desert? Is this Nevada? How did I get to Nevada?"

"What's Nevada?" the Captain looked puzzled.

"Look, I hate to rush the meet 'n greet, but we've got a job to do, and I'm thinking it would be a pretty fine idea to get it done in a timely fashion." The man with the muscles spoke up.

"Jayne's right," the captain nodded. "Ma'am, I'm sorry to run, but we've got to get going. You going to be okay to get yourself home?"

I couldn't believe they were seriously going to leave me.

"Are you serious? You dump me in the middle of the desert, take my clothes, and think you can just walk away from me?"

The guys collectively took a step backward.

"We didn't bring you here, ma'am," the captain told me. "We didn't do anything with your clothes!"

"Then where the hell are they?" I knew that I was being a little irrational, but under the circumstances I couldn't help myself.

"Look ma'am, I get that you're confused, but we haven't touched you. We just found you here and stopped to see if we could help."

I shook my head and couldn't stop myself from starting to cry a little. My whole body ached. I felt sore in places I didn't realize could be sore. Worst of all though was that I had no idea what had happened or where I was.

"I'm sorry," I told them quickly, though I wasn't sure I necessarily meant it. "I didn't mean to accuse you of anything. I…I'm confused like you said and I'm scared…" I forced myself to stop crying so I didn't seem completely insane. "Also, I realize I don't know you at all, and to be honest I still think you might be the reason I'm here, but please, you have to help me. I don't know where the hell I am, or how I got here." I tried to stand, but I felt too dizzy and decided to stay down. "Please." I looked up at them with what I hoped was a sincere expression.

"We're sorry you're confused, Ma'am, but you're not our problem."

"Can you at least tell me where I am?"

"I told you, you're on a moon. Doc, what's the name of this moon?" The captain turned to the man with slick hair; he shrugged.

"I didn't pick it, I just follow," the 'Doc' looked at me. Out of the three, he seemed the most genuinely concerned about my condition. "Where are you from?"

I shook my head. "You're all crazy."

"Hey now, that ain't a nice thing to say," the captain frowned. "We have our moments I grant you, but most of the time we're pretty damn sane." He looked at Jayne. "Most of us at least."

"Why won't you just tell me where I am?"

"How many times do we have to tell you? You—are—on—a—moon."

I felt an urge to cry, or to hit him. Both seemed reasonable solutions to my current feelings of disorientation and frustration. "Just go away. You clearly aren't going to help me, and if the best you can do is give me a hard time, then I think I'm better off without you." With great effort, I forced myself to stand, but when I had successfully gotten to my feet, I again felt dizzy and almost fell, but the captain reached out and steadied me in time.

"Don't touch me," I pulled away. Perhaps it was a bit unfounded, but they were only making me feel more confused and I didn't want to rely on them for anything.

"Umm, Captain," the Doc tapped the captain's shoulder and pointed towards me.

I looked down to where he was pointing and noticed a splotch of blood staining the slip I was wearing, just below my ribcage.

"That doesn't look good," I felt dizzy again, but this time I wasn't sure if it was the pain or the sight of blood.

"Look, Captain, we can't just leave her here!" the Doc protested. "She's hurt and she's obviously confused…"

"It could be a trap," Jayne commented.

"A trap?" the Doc laughed. "She hardly looks capable of setting a trap for us."

"Do you even remember Saffron?" Captain Mal said.

"She's wounded," the Doc continued. "Look, she's bleeding and she can barely stand on her own! I should tend to her."

I was barely even hearing what they were saying anymore. The pain and the confusion of the situation was making me lightheaded again. I just wanted to lie down and sleep until everything was better, but I needed to figure out what had happened. I tried to remember all that I could, but my brain was foggy. When I concentrated hard enough I could slightly recall something about a party. I remembered the dress I had been wearing—it was green and had cost more than I should have spent.

"What's she doin'?" The man called Jayne pulled everyone's attention back to me. "She looks like she's going to be sick."

"Ma'am?" Captain Mal reached out to me tentatively, but pulled back before touching me. "I don't know what to do for you, but we can't stay here wasting time. We're on a schedule, you see?"

"Stop calling me ma'am, please," I spoke up. I don't know why that was the one thing I wanted to say to them, but something about the way he said it made me uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," the captain smiled a little. "I was trying to be respectful."

"It makes me sound old," I told him. "I'm only twenty."

"What the hell are you doing out here all alone then?"

"Oh my god, if you ask me that one more time…" I shook my head. "I don't know what I'm doing here! That's the problem! The last thing I remember, I was going to a party—it was a stupid college party, and now I'm here with you three idiots who keep talking about a damn moon."

"College?" Jayne repeated.

"Yea, college," I frowned. "Why do you sound so shocked?"

The guys looked at each other and then back at me.

"You mean like an academy?" The Doc asked.

"Academy?" I shrugged. "Sure, college is like academy I guess, but nobody calls it that."

"You must be from a pretty high-to-do sort of family to be able to go to academy."

"Not really," I responded more harshly than I meant to, but my family wasn't a topic I was eager to discuss with strangers.

"Mal…"

"Right," Captain Mal glanced around and then looked back at me. "We really do have to go. We've wasted too much time already."

"Fine," I took a couple steps on my own to test my strength. "If you could just point me in the direction of the nearest freeway, I can head that way and hope a car picks me up."

"Freeway?" Jayne echoed.

"A car?" The captain looked just as confused.

The college confusion was strange, but being confused about a freeway and cars…I was becoming sincerely afraid that something had happened beyond my comprehension.

"Umm, yea, okay…" I wobbled again and this time I reached out to the captain, hoping he would offer to steady me, which he did.

"Can we take you somewhere?" Captain Mal offered suddenly.

"Mal," Jayne frowned.

"I know, we've got a job to do, but she's hurt, and there's nothing out here. I don't know how she got here, but we're in the middle of nowhere. There isn't even a civilization on this damn moon—no people, no nothing. She'll die out here alone."

"I think it's a fine idea, Captain," the Doc agreed. He came around to my side and put his arm around my waist; I flinched away from him slightly. "Come on, we'll take you back to the ship."

"Ship?" I didn't follow him. "What kind of ship?"

"It's a firefly, but don't let the make fool you none. She's a real good flyer," the captain explained as the Doc gently encouraged me to walk forward.

Nothing he was saying made any sense. I didn't know what a 'firefly' was and I didn't know what kind of ship flew. The only ship I knew of belonged on the water. The captain and the other man followed behind us. I could feel the captain hovering near to my elbow. He seemed to consider helping me walk as well, but never reached out.

"So there's an ocean around here?"

"An ocean?" the Doc repeated.

"Yea, you said ship, but I don't see any water."

The captain laughed. "My ship doesn't go in the water."

"It's a spaceship Miss," the Doc explained. "Haven't you ever been up in s ship before?"

I didn't even realize I was passing out. I don't think I've ever fainted before that I know of. This one was definitely unexpected.


	2. Chapter 2

When I woke again, I still felt cold, but there was no more wind to add to the chill. It only took me a few minutes to realize that I was no longer outside. Now I was lying on what felt like a table, and I was covered with a heavy blanket. Again there were men staring down at me. Jayne was one of them. His bulging arms were crossed over his chest, and his face was fixed with a scowl. The other was a new person, a black man with white hair tied back in a bun, He was dressed in a plain robe; the white collar at his neck tipped me off to his being a religious man of some sort.

"Hello there," the religious man greeted me with a kind smile.

"Hi," I smiled back at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not so good," I admitted. "My head hurts, my body hurts, and to be honest I feel a little sick."

"I see," he still smiled. "I wish I could do something for you, but I don't know much about medicine. The doctor did stitch up your side though. It looks like it had been cut on something. He wanted to stop the bleeding. Also, I believe he said something about a gash on your head, but he took care of that as well."

"Where am I?" I asked him. I thought that I might have better luck getting an explainable answer from a religious man.

"You're on a ship," he answered. "It's a firefly model, but it's nice enough."

"A ship," I repeated. Clearly he wasn't going to make things any clearer for me. "A spaceship, right?"

"That's correct," he nodded.

I laughed a little, but stopped, unable to see the humor again. "There's no such thing as spaceships. I mean, okay yea, astronauts go into space, but I get the idea you guys are not astronauts. And how the hell would I have gotten on one?"

"Well, supposedly they found you out there and brought you in."

"Yea, they told me that was a moon. What did that mean? What kind of moon?"

"Miss, I wish I could understand you, but I'm not sure why you are so confused. Which planet are you from?"

"Planet?" I frowned. "As if there's more than one?"

He frowned as well and looked over at Jayne who had now moved closer to us.

"Please stop looking at me like that," I begged. "It's making me incredibly uncomfortable."

"You talk funny," Jayne commented suddenly.

I glared at him. "Thanks. That's very nice of you to point out when I'm already scared for my life!" I hadn't intended to shout, but I hated feeling confused and lost, and being with a bunch of strange men wasn't exactly a consoling environment.

"There's nothing to be afraid of dear girl," the religious man shooed Jayne away and gazed down at me in a soothing way. "My name is Shepherd Book."

"Shepherd?" I repeated. "Is that like Father or Pastor?"

He looked at me inquisitively. "Those are interesting terms to choose. They haven't been used since Earth-that-was."

"What did you just say?" I sat up slightly, trying to prop myself up on my elbows, but my body hurt too much and I laid down again. "Why did you call it that?"

"Call what?"

"Earth-that-was," I repeated.

"What else would I call it?"

"Umm, Earth?" I suggested.

Shepherd Book looked a little uncomfortable now, and even Jayne seemed unsettled. "It's a matter of respect, Miss. Have you never been taught about it?"

"Taught about what?" I forced myself to sit up now, and I tried to ignore the searing pain. Now that I could see better I realized I was in some sort of infirmary.

"About what?" Jayne laughed. "You're a nutter!"

"I'm sorry," I felt my eyes welling up with tears. "I really don't understand what you guys are talking about though. I think I should just go. Maybe you should just put me back out where you found me."

"Miss, you're in no shape to be on your own right now."

"Tell me where I am!" I shouted so loud they both backed off.

"You're on a ship!" Jayne shouted back.

"What's all this yellin' for?"

I looked up at the captain as he entered the room.

"Tell me what you want with me!" I shouted at him. He also seemed shocked, and stopped just inside the doorway, staring at me with wide, curious eyes.

"Miss, we don't want anything with you!" The captain approached me cautiously and stopped beside the table where I had been put. "We rescued you, remember?"

"Rescued?" I laughed a little, but broke down into tears. "What did you do to me? Where are my clothes? Where am I?"

"Look Miss, you've got to calm down," the captain put his hand on my shoulder, but I quivered and he removed it. "We're not going to hurt you. I give you my word. We haven't done anything to you. We found you in the middle of nowhere—there was no civilization on that entire moon. You fainted and we brought you on board this ship, it's my ship, by the way. I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds."

I shook my head. "I want to go home."

"I understand that," he assured me. "We want to take you home, but you'll have to tell us where home is for you."

"I go to school in Los Angeles," I told him.

"Where?" They all three spoke at once.

"Where?" I echoed. "Are you joking? Los Angeles, California."

They still looked blank.

"You're American aren't you?" I asked them. "You sound basically American, maybe…how can you not know where California is?"

"American?" Shepherd Book repeated. He looked at the other two. "Wasn't there a place called America on Earth-that-was?"

"Why do you keep calling it that?" I demanded. I noticed the doctor lurking in the doorway; he held a syringe in his hand and I feared what his intentions might be. My mind suddenly concocted an overwhelmingly insane idea and if I had given it a moment I might have reconsidered, but I spoke too quickly. "This is like some crazy government conspiracy, isn't it? You're all agents and you're running some sort of experiment on me to see how I react. What's the point? What am I here for?"

"Government conspiracy?" The captain echoed. "What're you talking about?" He reached out his hand to touch my shoulder again, but I slipped off the table and moved to the opposite side of the room.

"Stay away from me," I warned. "I don't know much about this sort of thing, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal to just take people without their permission!"

"Take people," the captain shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about! We didn't take you from anywhere except that gorram moon. You would have died out there by yourself!"

"Stop saying that!"

"Stop saying what?"

"I wasn't on a moon!" I insisted. "That's not possible."

The captain looked at me for a minute, then he looked at Jayne and the Shepherd. With a slight twitch of his head, the captain led the other three out of the room, motioned for me to stay put and shut the door to make sure I did. When they returned, the four of them were forcing smiles.

"All right Miss," Captain Reynolds approached me cautiously. "I understand that you're confused and scared, but you have our word that we're not going to hurt you. Now, if you will just sit down here and stay calm…"

"Why are you talking to me like that?" I asked.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm three years old, or…" I shook my head. "You're talking to me like I'm mentally challenged."

Jayne laughed. "Well, if the shoe fits."

"I'm not crazy!" I insisted. "I have a 4.0."

"A 4.0 what?"

"Grade point average!" I shook my head. "You're the crazy ones."

"We're just a little concerned about your condition," the captain tried to talk to me again. He still sounded overly cautious though. I knew that he feared my mental stability and I hated that. I knew what I knew, and it didn't matter that they didn't seem to believe me. "Just let me go home! Please," I started to cry. "I just want to go home."

"And we would love to take you home," the captain assured me. "But you have to tell us where home is."

He started to approach me again and I ran. I couldn't handle being near anyone who thought I was crazy. My head rushed with pain as I made my escape, but my determination drove me on and I managed to escape from the captain and dart around Jayne and the doctor who were partially guarding the door. Once I had escaped from the infirmary I didn't know where to go, but I chose a direction and kept running. A moment into my freedom I encountered a young girl, who stepped into my path and momentarily shocked me into immobility.

"Who are you?" I don't know why I even bothered to ask.

The girl stared at me without responding. Her dark eyes were penetrating. By the time I had recovered my senses, the men had caught up to me and I knew trying to escape again was useless. I didn't know where I would have gone anyway. Leaving the infirmary led me into a strange open space of metal and steel with a metal staircase rising up in front of me; it didn't look enticing.

"Please calm down, Miss," the captain slowly came up behind me.

"I just want to go home," I sighed. My legs buckled beneath me and I collapsed onto my knees.

The doctor rushed to my side automatically and knelt down beside me. "Let me take you back to the infirmary," he pleaded. "You're weak. I've stitched up your head and your side, but you were pretty banged up and I don't know what else might be wrong with you, but you've obviously suffered something serious."

"I'm fine," I lied. The truth was my body felt like I had leapt off a mountain and landed in thorn bushes made of steel.

The girl tiptoed forward and knelt in front of me.

"River?" The doctor looked at her curiously, but she was staring only at me.

She reached out one hand and let two fingers touch my cheek softly. "You're different."

I frowned.

"You were hurt," she said. I didn't respond. "You were hurt and they sent you far away."

"What do you mean?" I asked her, and then I looked at the doctor and repeated the question. "What does she mean?"

He shrugged. "It's usually hard to tell."

"You don't belong here," she continued.

"I know," I agreed.

"You belong in another time…"

"River," the doctor stood and pulled the girl to her feet. "It's time for you to go to your room now."

She shook her head and stared at me still.

"Don't make her go away," I told him. "I like her, and she's the only one who doesn't seem to think I'm crazy."

The others didn't say anything. They didn't have time. At that moment a voice came over a speaker that changed everyone's attention: the ladies have returned.

Captain Reynolds threw up his hands and looked at me. "I don't know what to do with you."

"I'm not crazy," I insisted. I let the doctor help me to my feet.

"Okay," the captain didn't argue, but he didn't sound convinced.

"River," the doctor turned to the girl. "Can I borrow that?" he motioned to the knee-length knitted sweater she was wearing over her simple dress. She nodded and removed it quickly. He handed it to me. "Here, put this on." I let him help me into it.

"I don't know what we're going to tell the others," the captain mumbled as he started walking away.

The doctor walked with me, keeping his arm around my waist to help me keep my balance—I was becoming increasingly unsteady and he seemed to sense it. He took me up the long flight of stairs I had feared before, and then up a second shorter flight, which opened up in a long hallway. We turned left and arrived in what appeared to be the kitchen and dining area. Across the room was another door and in a few moments three girls filed into the room through it. They all stopped the moment they saw me.

"Captain?" A tall black woman spoke first; she reminded me of an Amazon warrior, or a goddess.

"How'd it go?" the captain asked, ignoring the girls' inquiring stares. "No surprises I hope."

"None Sir," she spoke again. "You? Any surprises you feel you ought to mention?"

"We'll get to that." The captain glanced at me briefly. "Tell me about the assignment, Zoe," he requested. "Did everything go according to plan?"

The woman, Zoe, looked at me. "Captain, everything went fine, but shouldn't we discuss this?"

The captain looked at me and again seemed uncertain.

"I'm not crazy," I repeated instinctively.

"Where'd she come from Captain?" Another girl spoke up. She looked young and had soft brown hair and sincere eyes; she was dressed in a bright pink shirt and khaki overalls.

"We found her," Jayne answered. "She was lying out there on the moon and Mal here thought it'd be a fine idea to bring her on board. He doesn't seem to care much that she's a complete nutter."

"I'm not crazy!" Now I wanted to hit him and if I had been feeling stronger I probably would have. As it was, I needed to lean on the doctor for support.

"Captain, do you think it's wise to have a stranger here, now?" Zoe asked.

"I don't think she's dangerous," the captain decided. "Just a little confused."

Jayne started muttering about me being crazy again, and the captain started discussing the fact that I might be a trap with Zoe, who seemed to possess some sort of authority. Trying not to listen to them argue, I analyzed the third woman who had not yet spoken. She was beautiful and she held my attention fully. Her thick dark hair was braided elegantly away from her face and threaded with red ribbon. She wore a long dress of red and black satin. Her throat and wrists were adorned with gold bangles and ruby jewels. Beyond her apparel though, there was something in the way she held herself, the poised perfection of her shoulders and her chin, which gave her an air of elegance that I envied. After a moment I realized that she was staring at me as well. I looked away, feeling a little embarrassed of being caught watching her, but a moment later I glanced her direction again and found her smiling at me.

"Look, we couldn't just leave her there!"

When I started listening to the argument again, I realized that I hadn't missed much. They seemed to be arguing in circles; mentioning the same points over and over again.

"I don't want to be a burden," I cut in. I had finally gotten over my initial belief that they were working with the government. It was something about the way they all stared at me that convinced me I was as mysterious to them as they were to me.

"You're not a burden," the doctor told me quietly.

"Yea she is," Jayne insisted. "We've already got one crazy girl on this ship, we don't need another."

"I'm not…"

"Crazy, yea we know," he cut me off.

"She doesn't seem crazy to me," the girl with the soft hair spoke up.

"You should've heard her talking earlier," Jayne laughed.

"Jayne," the captain silenced him.

"I don't know how to make you guys believe me," I cried.

"Captain, would you mind explaining what's been going on here?" Zoe asked. Her eyes shifted to me curiously.

"Yea, sure," the captain glanced at me and then at the doctor. "Take her back to the infirmary." He must have noticed my frustrated expression because he quickly clarified. "We need to talk privately for a minute or two. You still look a little weak, and I think the infirmary will be a good place for you to rest. The Doc will take good care of you."

I nodded and allowed the doctor to guide me out of the dining room and back down to the infirmary, leaving all the others to discuss me in privacy.

"Everything will be fine, Miss," the doctor encouraged me soothingly as he directed me back to the table that I had run from earlier. "The captain will take care of everything."

"You have a lot of faith in him," I noticed.

"I've seen him do some pretty amazing things," he explained. "Also, he's taken care of me and my sister."

"Your sister?" I questioned. When I thought about it though I realized I knew who she was. "The girl…River, right? She's your sister?"

He nodded.

"And what's your name?"

"Simon," he smiled. "Simon Tam."

There was something in his manner that put me at ease. I couldn't explain it, especially considering how terrified I still was, but being with him made me feel a little less nervous and a little safer.

"Can I ask you yours?"

"I'm Charlotte," I told him.

"And you say you're only twenty?"

I nodded.

"Would you mind if I take a look at the stitches I put in earlier? I want to make sure that they're holding up all right. It would be bad if they were to get infected," he explained.

I nodded again and slipped off the sweater his sister had given me to wear. Simon helped me get situated on my back and then lifted my slip so he could have access to the wound on my side that he had stitched up while I was passed out.

While he was busy doing the doctor thing, I tried remembering all that I could about the events that had led me to where I was now.

"I was at a party," I sighed.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I remember a party," I repeated. "I don't get out much—my studies take a lot of time. There was this guy though who kept asking me out, so I finally agreed. I didn't really have any good excuse to say 'no' so I agreed to meet him at a party."

"I see," the doctor murmured. He didn't really seem to see at all though.

"When I got to the party though I couldn't find him anywhere. I figured he was just late so I spent a while by myself. He never showed up though, and after an hour I realized he wasn't going to. I was upset, and depressed, and someone put a drink in my hand…" I stopped reflecting for a minute as I realized what had probably happened.

The doctor must have caught on as well. "Do you think you were given something to put you out?"

"Put me out?" I repeated the strange phrasing. "You mean knock me out?" I nodded and let myself start to reflect again. "I do remember this other guy…I'd seen him a few times around campus, but I couldn't remember his name. He asked me to dance and then he asked me to go somewhere more private. I didn't have a reason to say 'no' so I went with him. I didn't want to, but he was very demanding…very forceful." My eyes watered and I stopped thinking about it all.

"These stitches look good," he commented and replaced the slip. "I would like to check your head."

"Go ahead." I was silent for another minute. His fingers gently explored the stitching on my head. "I know that you all think I'm insane," I told him. "You have to understand though, that everything I've said is true to me. None of this makes sense to me, but it's real."

"I know you believe that," Simon agreed. "You did bump your head though, and pretty hard I believe. It may have disoriented you a little."

"Right, a bump on the head made me believe that I'm from a different time and place entirely? We're on a spaceship! There are no spaceships in my memory. How could a bump on the head change my life that drastically?"

"I don't know," he told me apologetically. "I wish I could give you a better explanation."

I smiled. He really seemed to mean what he said, which again made me comfortable. "I just wish I didn't hurt so much."

"Hurt?"

"Yea, I don't want to complain, but I just ache…all over really."

"Anything specific that I can look at?"

I hesitated. "No, I just ache."

"Are you sure there's nothing specific?"

I shook my head, but continued to cry.

"Charlotte, what aren't you telling me?" He asked.

I was saved from answering as the infirmary door opened and the elegant woman, who I had been admiring earlier, entered in a hurry.

"Is something wrong?" Simon asked her.

"Is she marked?" the woman asked bluntly.

"Marked?" Simon repeated.

"Does she have any tattoos or markings of any sort?"

"Well yes, I noticed one on her back, but what does that have to…"

"I don't," I interrupted. "I've never gotten a tattoo."

Simon frowned. "Then what's on your back?"

I shook my head. "Nothing that I know of."

The woman came to the side of the table and smiled at me kindly. "Do you mind if I have a look?"

"If you want to," I consented.

"It's very low," the doctor mentioned. "I only saw a bit of it. I didn't want to…"

She looked at me and repeated her question. I still nodded and rolled over. I felt my slip being lifted and then I felt fingers low on my back, rolling down the top of my lace panties. I winced slightly as the fingers grazed a sensitive spot on my skin.

"Lao tyen yeh," she exclaimed.

I looked over my shoulder and saw she and Simon both staring at the low spot on my back. She covered her mouth with her hand. I had no idea what she had said, but judging by the expression on Simon's face I assumed it had been something shocking.

"What? What is it?" Simon demanded.

"Go and get the captain," she told him. "Please."

He glanced at me, looking a little concerned to leave me, but I nodded and he left to do as the woman had requested of him. When he had gone, she replaced my clothing and turned to me; I noticed her round bright eyes were brimming with tears. I sat up and faced her questioningly. She touched her fingers to her lips and then took my hands in hers.

"I think I heard the doctor call you Charlotte," she commented. "Is that your name?"

I nodded.

"Well, I'm Inara."

Her smile was so soft and beautiful that I instantly liked her, and trusted her. It was impossible not to.

"I realize you must be terribly frightened right now," she consoled me genuinely, still holding my hands. "And I can only imagine your confusion, but I promise we are going to help you to understand what has happened."

"Then you believe I'm not crazy?"

She nodded. "I do."

"I think you're the only one."

"The others don't understand what I know, but they will and then they'll believe you too."


	3. Chapter 3

"Inara," the captain spoke from the doorway. "You wanted me?"

"I need to talk to you," she didn't look at him. "I won't be gone long," she told me. "Just long enough to explain things to the captain. It will be easier if I can explain it to him first though and then I'll come and explain it to you."

"Can't you explain it to us both at the same time?" I requested.

Inara finally glanced over towards the captain. "No, mei-mei, it will be better this way."

I wanted to ask what 'mei-mei' meant, but she had already taken her hands from mine and gone to the captain. She whispered something to him and they both slipped out together, shutting the door to close me in.

The way Inara and Simon had looked at my back had left me curious, and confused. So, now that I was alone I was determined to see what had them so shocked and concerned. For best viewing, I removed my slip entirely and dropped it on the floor; it wasn't doing me much good anyway, considering the bloodstain. I found a mirror on the counter and held it behind me, craning my neck to see. The reflection showed me the tattoo that they had mentioned on my lower back. As far as I could tell it was a Chinese symbol—for what I didn't know. It wasn't too large, only an inch around, but it was black and bold and had left the skin around it red and tender. Around the border of the symbol were three lines and two dots. I didn't know what they represented, but I assumed Inara did and I was determined to find out.

"Good God!"

The exclamation I heard from outside the door startled me and I turned that direction instinctively. I couldn't tell who had spoken, except that it was a man. The tone alarmed me though. The door opened suddenly and I realized the doctor, Jayne, and Zoe had joined the captain and Inara.

I gasped, remembering that I was now wearing only a skimpy matching white lace bra and panties.

"Sorry," the captain looked away.

"Umm," I retrieved the sweater and pulled it over me quickly. "I was trying to see the tattoo on my back…" When I had covered I looked back at the group that was standing in the doorway. "What?" I demanded an explanation for their puzzled expressions.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to explain some things to you that you're not going to understand, or want to believe." Inara told me.

"Tell me," I insisted.

"Inara thinks you somehow traveled through time," the captain said bluntly.

I laughed. "That's funny, now tell me the truth."

When I noticed their serious expressions I realized they were being truthful. They had told me I wouldn't want to believe it, but I hadn't realized how absurd the truth was going to be.

"Why aren't you laughing?" I asked them slowly. I don't even know why any part of me was willing to believe what they were telling me, but for some reason, I felt I should listen to them. "This is a joke, right?"

They all shook their heads.

"What year do you think it is?" Inara asked.

"It's 2009," I responded. "May 3rd, 2009."

The doctor shook his head. "It's not."

"Of course it is."

"It is May 3rd, but it's the year 2519."

"25…" I laughed again, but it only lasted for a moment. My head felt light again and I wondered if I was about to pass out for the second time in my life. I didn't though. "Are you seriously trying to tell me that I've somehow jumped five hundred years?"

"Basically," the captain shrugged. "I personally think it sounds crazy, but they're convinced." He pointed to Inara and the doctor.

"How do you know this?" I asked.

Simon moved towards me. "I've heard rumors of an organization that had discovered a rip in time that allowed them to transport people through space and time…"

"They're not rumors," Inara corrected him. "I've met someone, a girl, who was from an older time, like you. She also had a mark on her back. That's how I knew for sure."

"You're serious about all this, aren't you? I mean, it's real? I traveled through time and that's how we're flying around space in a ship like it's normal, and Earth is…gone?"

Simon nodded. "How we've come to where we are is a long story, and it will be nothing better than a history lesson for you, but if you'd like to hear the details…"

"No, please," I shook my head. "I don't think I want to hear it right now."

"That's probably a good idea."

"I want to know more about this organization though," I decided. "What do they want with me? Why am I here?"

Inara shifted her eyes away from me and I noticed the doctor staring down at his feet.

"It's bad, isn't it?" I hugged my arms around my body.

"I used to work at an alliance hospital…" Simon started to tell me. "Alliance is the government here."

"The bad guys," the captain cut in.

"Yes, none of us like them much," the doctor continued. "At the hospital though, I heard rumors of an organization—very underground. This organization supposedly focused on transferring _women_ from Earth-that-was for high-paying clients."

"I don't understand," I sighed. My head felt like it was about to split in half and I desperately wanted to crawl into a ball and sleep for twenty-four hours straight. "High-paying clients?"

"For sex," Jayne grinned.

I lifted my eyes to him, suddenly terrified.

The captain shoved him into the background and shook his head at me reassuringly.

Inara took over the explanation. "The women serve different purposes. Some are bought as servants, some as wives. From what I understand this organization discovered a way to bring these women through time and then erase their minds and reprogram them to remember only what their clients wanted."

"Then why do I have my memories?"

"I think that the place we found you was supposed to have been a pick-up location, but I think we got to you first," Simon explained.

"You realize how crazy this all sounds, don't you?" I asked.

He nodded. "We told you it wouldn't be easy to understand."

"And you're sure about all this?"

"We can't be positive," Inara admitted. "Though everything you've told us implies you have definitely traveled through time, and I know of no other way for you to do it. I've never heard of anyone else coming from a different time. Plus the marking implies…" she shrugged.

"Tell me more about the marking," I requested.

"I met one of these girls once too." Simon told me. "A man that I worked with had purchased her as a wife. He was very proud and wanted to tell me all about her. When I met her, he showed me that she had been branded by this organization."

"Branded?" I didn't like the sound of that.

"If I understand correctly, she was branded before being sent through the time hole, or whatever it is, so that she could be recognized."

"And she," the captain nodded at me, "has this marking, right?"

"Yes," Inara nodded.

"Can I see it?" He asked.

I blushed, remembering how much of me had to be exposed before Inara and Simon had been able to see the tattoo.

"It's in a private place," the doctor told him.

"Oh," Captain Reynolds nodded. "Right, well, I don't need to see it then."

"Anyway, the tattoo consists of a character and then three lines and two dots which are the symbol of this organization. The character is unique for each person." Inara finished the explanation.

"There really is no doubt then, is there?" I asked. "The brand proves that this organization was behind my coming here."

"Yes," Inara nodded.

"I don't know Chinese," I told them. "What does mine say?" I asked Inara.

"Pure," she told me. "Or innocent, whichever you like."

"From what I'm understanding these clients pay a load of money for their sex-dolls, and they'll expect the organization to deliver," Jayne commented suddenly.

"Can we not refer to me as a 'sex-doll'?" I requested.

The captain grinned a little, which surprised me. I hadn't seen him express anything other than seriousness yet.

"Whatever," Jayne continued. "Don't you think they might be a tad upset when they see their goods have gone missing?"

"As much as I hate admitting it, he has a point," Simon agreed.

"Whoever they are, they have no way of knowing that we have her with us. There was no one on that rock except her. We weren't seen," the captain reminded everyone. "There's no reason for them to come after us."

"Good," Jayne nodded. "That's good. But still, what're we going to do with her?"

The captain looked at me and I stared back.

"Well, right now we've got a job to finish. Since we've determined she's no threat to us, I'm good keeping her here for now at least. Until we finish our job, I can't waste energy thinking of anything else."

I started to walk back to the table, feeling a little unsteady. My body ached, reminding me that I wasn't in very good condition. Simon instantly noticed the pain on my face.

"What is it? What hurts?"

"It's nothing." I looked at the others lurking in the doorway and lost all confidence.

"We need privacy," Simon turned to the door when he noticed my eyes drifting that direction.

"She wasn't purchased for you Doc," Jayne snapped.

"Jayne!" The captain turned sharply. "What have I told you about keeping a civil tongue in that mouth?"

"What? It's like her purpose, ain't it?"

"Walk away," the captain ordered. "Now. I don't want to see you near her until you've learned how to be polite."

Jayne stormed away in a huff.

"Thank you," I murmured to the captain.

"I've got to check something with Wash," Zoe left without having to be asked. Inara also headed away, but lingered curiously. I didn't mind her presence as much.

I could barely speak; my throat was closed with tears. "Doctor," I looked up at Simon. "There is something I would like you to check." I scooted back up onto the table.

"What is it?" Simon asked.

I shifted my legs a little. "I think…" I tried to stop crying. "I want to know if someone…I need to know if I've been…" I couldn't finish my thought.

"Should I leave?" The captain asked.

Simon leaned down lower and whispered to me. "Charlotte, are you wondering if someone raped you?"

My tears increased and I nodded.

"I understand why you would want to know," he hesitated. "But I'm not really sure how to test for that…"

I blushed and nodded. "You can see if my hymen has been broken."

The captain's mouth dropped a little. "Yea, I'll be…umm…out there…" He left.

"You're a virgin?" Simon clarified.

I nodded again. "At least, I hope I still am."

"What makes you think otherwise?" Inara asked gently.

"Something doesn't feel right," I tried to explain. "Down there…it hurts. I'm sore in a way I shouldn't be."

"I'm not really that kind of doctor, but I can check, if you're sure you want me to."

"I need to know," I told him.

"Would you like me to go or stay?" Inara asked.

"Maybe, stay," I requested. "If you don't mind." Having her there felt like it might be comforting. She nodded and came to my side, once again taking my hand.

"All right," Simon walked to the door and shut it, locking it for privacy. "Tell me more about you, about Earth-that-was," he requested as he returned to my side. I could tell he was just trying to distract me as he removed the blanket and pulled sterile gloves over his hands.

I faltered. I've never thought about having to explain Earth to anyone before. I just took it for granted that everyone would always know exactly what it was like. "It's busy, and crowded. Umm, it is beautiful. Parts of it. It's fun. Parts of it. It's interesting…"

"Let me guess," he cut in. "Parts of it."

"Yea, exactly," I sucked in my breath as I felt him remove my panties.

"I'm sorry…"

"You don't have to keep apologizing," I told him. "I asked you to do this." I took another breath and unintentionally gripped Inara's hand more tightly.

"Bend your knees for me please," he instructed and I did. "This may be a little uncomfortable, since you've never been…well…you aren't used to being umm…penetrated."

I tried not to laugh, but the way he said it sounded funny to me.

"Don't laugh!" Now he was laughing a little.

"I'm sorry, but it's just weird."

"I know," he agreed. "This is weird for me too."

"Have you ever done this before?"

"They trained us in the basics in school, but no, not professionally."

"Great," I took another breath as his fingers started to prod with some type of cold metal appliance.

"So, this California you come from," he continued his job of distracting me. "I think I've read about it in the history books."

"If so you've probably heard of Hollywood," I told him.

"Yes, that's what it is," he agreed. "The land of entertainment."

"That's what it says in the history books?" I smiled at the thought of it. "It would be interesting to see what comes of my world in the future…or well, the past I guess."

"I know what you mean."

I winced unintentionally.

"I'm sorry. Did that hurt?"

"Like I said, it's pretty sore."

He was quiet.

"Doctor?"

He slid my panties back up my legs and put them in place gently.

"Simon, tell me what you found."

"Blood," he answered quietly. "I found dried blood, and your hymen is broken."

Even though I was confident I already knew what his answer was going to be, I couldn't help crying again when I heard it. Inara placed her hands on my head and rested her cheek against it.

"I'm so sorry," he moved to the side of the table and tenderly offered me his hand.

I took his hand and squeezed it tightly. "It's not your fault."

"No one should have to know the pain you now know," he told me.

"If everyone was like you, I think the world would be a much better place." I sat up, with his help, and he held me as I continued to cry. I could still feel Inara stroking my hair softly. "Why are you so nice to me?"

"I have a sister, remember," he explained simply.

"She's lucky to have you."

There was a knock on the door and Simon left me to open it again. Inara stayed by my side. The captain stepped in, saw me crying, and seemed to instantly realize the truth that Simon had discovered.

"Could I talk to her?" He asked.

Simon looked at me and I nodded.

"Go on in," he said. "I'll be back to check on you in a little while."

"Thanks," I smiled at him as he and Inara left me alone with the captain.

"Are you okay?"

"No," I answered truthfully.

"I expect the doctor's been encouraging you the best he knows how."

I nodded and then suddenly asked: "Can you send me back?"

"I would if I knew how," he told me. "Unfortunately from what I understand, it's a very complicated procedure. Purchasing a woman from Earth-that-was doesn't come cheap." He paused. "I can't help wondering who purchased you."

"Don't say that," I begged. "It sounds way too..." I didn't have words to describe how it felt, so I just shook my head.

"Sorry," he hesitated. "We'll figure something out."

"Five hundred years," I pondered. "That's a lot of years to skip."

"We'll find a way to send you back," he promised. "You won't miss anything."

I smiled slightly, but didn't respond.

"Also, I wanted to let you know that what we said earlier about droppin' you somewhere…" He moved to the side of the table where I sat. "It don't apply now."

I frowned, not fully understanding what he meant.

"I didn't know the details," he explained.

"And now that you do?"

"Well now it wouldn't feel quite right dumping you on an unfamiliar land. I haven't talked to the rest of my crew yet, but since I am the captain, I feel confident in being able to extend an offer to you…"

"An offer?"

"You're welcome to stay here on my ship until we figure out how to get you home again," he explained. "It's not much, and I have to warn you, the work we do ain't always pretty, but you could have your own room and I can guarantee you my protection as much as it's in my power to give it."

Somehow his offer gave me comfort. In this strange and inexplicable situation I found myself in, hearing an offer of home and security gave me peace.

"Thank you," I smiled.

"Is that a 'yes'?"

I nodded. "As long as the rest of your crew is all right with it. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable."

"I think they'll be fine," he assured me. Silence reigned for a moment and then he broke it. "Are you really okay?"

"You're referring to what Simon was checking for me, aren't you?"

He nodded. "It's none of my business, I know, but I just wanted to make sure…"

"I'm going to have to make a lot of adjustments; this is just one more."

"It's not an adjustment. You were hurt. You're allowed to not be okay right now."

"Hurt," I echoed. "I guess that's one way to look at it."

He cleared his throat and took a step away from me. "Well, yea."

"I appreciate your concern, but clearly this is making you uncomfortable. Maybe we just shouldn't talk about it."

"Maybe not," he agreed. "I need to go check our status," he said suddenly. "I'm going to have Inara get you settled, Miss." He started towards the door.

"Captain Reynolds," I stopped him.

"Yea?"

"My name's Charlotte."

He nodded and left me, sending Inara in to take care of me.


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm supposed to get you settled in your room," Inara explained. I slid off the table and took her proffered hand as she guided me out of the infirmary. "Also, I think you might be interested in washing up a little, and probably dressing in something more…covering."

I nodded. "Yes please."

"We're not much different in size. I'm sure something of mine could work for you," she decided.

"Thank you."

She led me up the long flight of stairs again and down a short passage. At a door she stopped and turned a bar that kept it secure, then she ushered me through it and into a place that was decorated richly with red and gold silk and velvet.

"This is my shuttle," she explained. "The captain rents it to me so I can do my own business apart from the ship."

"And what is your business?"

"I'm called a companion."

I must have looked confused because she quickly explained.

"The captain calls me a whore. I assume you're familiar with that word."

I couldn't help showing surprise. For someone so gentle and elegant, the term 'whore' didn't fit with my mind. Most whores I had heard of were cheap and crude and had no respect from others.

"From what I know of your time, the profession has changed," she again seemed to read my expression. "Being a companion is a respected profession. I trained for years in a house with other girls, learning all the rules of etiquette and decorum. I dress only in the best materials and jewels, and I come from a socially established family. Companions are not at the mercy of our clients, but rather we have complete control over whom we contract with. I have the best education and I am requested to keep company with the most esteemed gentlemen."

"It sounds elegant," I admitted. "Definitely not the same where I come from."

"I'm sure that is a compliment," she smiled.

"It is," I assured her. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you," she beckoned me further into the shuttle and shut the door. "Knowing my profession, I hope you will let yourself be comfortable with me."

"Your profession doesn't affect me at all Inara," I assured her. "I've been comfortable with you since the moment I saw you. There is something very reassuring about you."

"Knowing how to interact with others is a part of my profession," she reminded me.

"So, you're telling me that what I feel around you is just you being professional?"

"Not exactly," she smiled. "I am good at putting people at ease."

"Well, in my current situation, I definitely appreciate it," I assured her. "Everyone else seems a little put off by me. It's making me very uncomfortable to be honest. They all seem so nervous about me."

"You can hardly blame them," Inara smiled. "A girl from the past suddenly appears in their life and you expect them to be completely calm about it all?"

"No, I suppose not, but it's not as though this is easy for me!"

"I know," she guided me over to a pile of silk cushions on the floor and motioned for me to sit. "Just give it time."

I sat and made myself comfortable, trying not to disrupt the stitching Simon had done for me.

"Disrobe please," Inara requested. I looked up at her, momentarily uncomfortable, but found refreshing encouragement in her gentle eyes and kind smile. "You need to bathe. The captain told me he found you lying in the sand for goodness knows how long. I imagine you could use a good washing." I nodded my agreement and she helped me remove what little clothing I was wearing.

She prepared a basin of water with rose oil and proceeded to gently wash my back and shoulders with a soft towel. Her touch was skilled, which didn't surprise me, and I barely even flinched as she patted the towel over my stitches. She washed my body thoroughly, including my feet and then requested to wash my hair.

"Sometimes Kaylee likes me to wash hers. It can be very soothing. Also, I've noticed some blood drying in it."

I nodded and she prepared a fresh basin of water. She placed it behind me and helped me lie back so my head was resting in it and then she washed my hair, just as gently as she had washed my body.

"You have such lovely hair," she complimented as she pulled her fingers through the natural curl of my long, blonde hair.

"Thank you," I smiled. I couldn't help feeling flattered by her sincerity; she was so elegant and beautiful. "How long have you been working as a companion?"

"I started training when I was twelve. I had my first client at sixteen. That was nearly ten years ago," she responded.

"That's so long!" I couldn't help expressing my surprise. "Do you ever wish you did something else?"

"Perhaps," she answered slowly. "I enjoy my profession though, truly. At times I simply wish for more freedom. Being a companion involves many rules, and one does not break those rules."

"Oh," I wanted to know more, but I wasn't sure if it was right to keep on asking about such a private profession.

"You're still curious," she observed. "I imagine you are wondering how a woman could commit herself to a life of servicing others."

"Sort of," I confessed. "It's just weird for me to think about. Where I come from, it's not something that a woman would do voluntarily, not usually anyway."

"You must understand that being a companion is a respectable profession. It is completely legal and no one would ever think less of me for it," she paused. "Usually, at least. Of course there are always exceptions."

"What do you do exactly?" I asked before I could stop myself. "I'm sorry, that's probably really private."

She laughed a little. "It is, but only because I do not discuss my clients at all. For you though, I could make an exception."

"I don't need all the details…" I told her.

"I understand," she paused and then continued. "I do what is requested of me. Different clients have different desires and I fulfill them. Once I serviced a man who wanted nothing more than someone to talk to. He told me incredible secrets that he couldn't divulge to anyone else, but because I am bound to him by a contract he knew I would keep them. Another man wanted to paint me…a portrait that is. He was an artist and he desired for me to be his model. Most often though, my clients desire me for their pleasure; even the artist paid for a night with me after the portrait."

"Do you ever, umm, _service_ women?"

"I do," she admitted. "They are not as common, but I have taken a few female clients. Men supply the majority of my clientele, but every now and then I find a woman who I find worthy of my time."

"Do you ever wash their hair?"

"Yes."

"I can tell," I told her. "You seem like you've had practice."

"Thank you," she finished massaging my head with her skilled fingers and replaced the water basin with a towel to dry my hair. Once it was adequately dry she braided a thin circlet around my head, decorating it with golden thread, and left the rest down to dry naturally. "Now, let's find you something to put on."

I watched her stand and gracefully cross the room to a trunk at the foot of her bed. She lifted the lid and started sifting through a collection of silks and satins. Finally she pulled out a long white gown and held it up for my inspection. I nodded eagerly. The dress was more beautiful than anything I had ever worn, even though it looked considerably plain compared to the red satin she was wearing.

"I think it will fit you well," she decided, motioning for me to stand and join her.

I stood, and realized that my nudity didn't even make me uncomfortable anymore. Of course if anyone else happened to enter the room, I would have been utterly embarrassed, but being with Inara was impossible to feel shame.

"You have a slighter frame than me, but our chest sizes are comparable so try it and see," she handed the dress to me and I slid it over my head. "Perfect," she smiled. "You look lovely."

I inspected my appearance in a floor-length mirror she had mounted to one wall; I almost didn't recognize myself. The dress reminded me of something from the mythology of Greek goddesses. It was made of white silk and hung down to my ankles. It had an empire waist, lined with gold braiding that also supplied the straps. I hadn't put my bra back on, but one glance at Inara indicated a bra was clearly unnecessary.

"It's a little snug in the chest," I told her.

"Barely," she insisted. "No one will notice." I thought it might be a little noticeable, but she smiled reassuringly and held out her hand. "Come with me mei-mei."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"What? Mei-mei?"

I nodded.

"Oh I'm not sure how to translate it exactly," she admitted. "It is so commonly used…I never even considered its English translation. I suppose literally translated it would mean sister, or little sister, but in meaning it is a term of endearment," she explained. "It is used to refer to a female in an endearing way."

"Like sweetheart, or honey."

"Yes, I suppose," she smiled. "Come now," she put her hand out to me again and I took it. "The others are undoubtedly curious about our long absence."

"Are you cold?" I asked as I noticed goose bumps rising on my arms.

"No not at all," she smiled, but then also noticed the goose bumps on my arms. "Clearly you are though." She turned away from me and quickly retrieved a long red satin wrap from a different trunk and handed it to me. "This should help a little."

I took it and wrapped it tightly around myself. It didn't offer a lot of warmth, but it helped.

"All right," Inara took my hand in hers and we left her shuttle together. "Now, take a deep breath. You'll be fine, mei-mei, just relax."

"What if they don't like me?"

"Why wouldn't they? You're a dear and the captain's already approved of you, so they don't have a choice."

I was silent as we made our way down the passage and up the steps finally ending up once again in the dining room. As we entered the room, all talking quieted and all eyes turned towards Inara and me.

Simon was the first on his feet. "Are you feeling any better?"

"A little, thanks," I smiled and transferred my hand from Inara's to his. "I think Inara's hands have magical healing powers."

Jayne chocked on the water he was gulping down and stared at Inara with wide eyes. "Is that so? I wouldn't mind hearing more of that…"

"Jayne," the captain rebuked him, but I noticed the awkward blush creeping up his neck as well.

"I didn't mean it to sound that way," I apologized quietly as I realized the connotation of my word choice. "She just helped me with my hair…"

"Which looks lovely," Zoe smiled at me sweetly.

"Sure does."

I looked at the man who spoke and realized I hadn't seen him yet. He had red hair and was wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

"I'm Wash," he stood and crossed to me quickly with his hand outstretched. "I fly this ship."

"It's nice to meet you," I gave him my hand and he grasped it tightly with both of his and lifted it to his lips.

"Down boy," Zoe reached up from where she sat and pulled on his arm. "You've got five seconds to admire and then I want you to put her out of your mind."

"Five seconds? That's generous," the captain commented.

"He knows who he belongs to."

Wash held my hand for another moment and then dropped it and returned to his chair. "It was nice to admire you. You are a very beautiful woman, and now I will never look at you in lust again because my wife is a jealous woman and she could hurt me."

I felt a little uncomfortable to hear that he might have thought of me in lust, but I tried not to let it bother me; he was probably only teasing.

"You're married?"

He nodded towards Zoe and I smiled; I couldn't help observing that they were a little bit of a funny couple.

Inara stepped forward and directed my attention to the other girl that had entered with her and Zoe. "I don't think you've officially met Kaylee yet either."

"No, I haven't," I smiled at the girl who was perched on the edge of the counter. She nodded, but didn't smile. To be honest the greeting felt a little cold considering how the others had greeted me, especially since I thought she had the friendliest eyes.

"I want to thank all of you for letting me stay here until the captain figures out what to do with me next," I spoke up. I felt the need to say something to break the awkwardness that seemed to overpower the situation.

"We're delighted to have you," the Shepherd smiled at me. "It's always nice making new friends."

"Has Inara showed you where you'll be staying?" The captain asked.

"Not yet," Inara answered. "We were busy getting her cleaned up and dressed a little more suitable."

"I'd say she's suitable," Jayne grinned. "She suits me just fine."

"Jayne!" The captain and Zoe both spoke together.

"I'm just sayin'," he protested.

"It would be best if you didn't say anything," Zoe told him.

"Wash, how long we got?" The captain asked.

"No more than ten minutes," Wash answered.

"Perfect," Captain Reynolds stood and approached me. "We've got a bit of business to take care of, during which I think it'd be best for you to stay on board and out of sight. Inara will take you to your room and answer any questions you have about how things work around here."

"Mal," Inara interrupted him. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I've got my own business to tend to," she reminded him. "If we're ten minutes out, I must ready my shuttle."

"Oh, right." He looked around the room, searching for my new guide, or babysitter rather.

"I can take care of her," Simon offered.

"Good," the captain nodded. "Yea, you'll do fine. Keep her comfortable and," he lowered his voice, "keep Jayne away from her."

"I will," he promised.

"I can take her, Cap'n." Kaylee stood suddenly. "She might want another woman to be with her."

"The Doc's more than capable of taking care of her needs," the captain insisted. "I need you in the engine room."

Kaylee looked disappointed, but she did as the captain commanded and left the dining room, heading probably for the engine room.

"Jayne, get ready," the captain ordered. When Jayne didn't budge from his seat, but kept his eyes firmly locked on me, the captain moved towards him and physically pulled him to his feet. "Get ready for the job." He repeated his order louder. "Zoe, you too."

Jayne took one more look at me before sulkily leaving to complete his order; Zoe followed, and then Wash and Inara.

"We shouldn't be gone all that long," the captain told Simon and me. "If you need anything at all that Simon can't take care of…"

"Captain Reynolds, as you said, I am more than capable of taking care of her." He put his arm around me as though to prove a point.

"Fine," he looked at me briefly and then left the room.

"Are you ready for the tour?" Simon asked when we were alone.

I nodded. As crazy and frightening as the whole situation was, I couldn't help feeling a little intrigued by the idea of being on a spaceship.

"All right, then come with me," he placed my hand on his arm and guided me out of the dining room and into a hallway. "That's the cockpit down there. You usually won't have a reason to come up here though, unless the captain specifically requests it. He doesn't like people getting in the way."

Before I had a chance to take in all he was showing me, he was already leading me down the steps. My head was starting to feel a little dizzy and my legs felt shaky.

"Umm, Simon," I stopped him mid-step. "As much as I want to see everything, do you think we could put it off for a while. I'm not feeling so great and I think I'd really like to just lie down."

"Of course!" He finished the descent and then led me down the long flight back towards the infirmary. This time we bypassed that room, moving around it, and into a large room filled with comfortable looking settees, adorned with colorful cushions. Branching off that room was a hallway, which he took me down and revealed numerous sliding doors made of some sort of sheer material—Simon later told me it was rice paper. I figured these cabins were meant to be used if passengers were ever on the ship; they looked too clean to be lived in permanently.

"Does the crew live down here?" I asked anyway.

"No," he answered. "They all have their own rooms on the main level—that hallway we passed through earlier leading to the cockpit, and the one on the other side of the dining room leading to the engine room."

"I guess I'll figure out all the details later."

"This is my room," he indicated one of the doors. "And that's River's." He pointed to the one directly across the hall from his. "The shepherd lives at the end there, but the rest of these cabins are open. So, pick whichever one you like."

"Is there a difference between them?"

"Not really," he shrugged. "They're all basically the same size and styled the same way."

"Then perhaps I'll just take the room next to you," I decided.

"Certainly," he agreed with a smile. "I mean, I wouldn't mind."

Simon slid open the door to the room next to his and motioned for me to enter first. The cabin was small and simplistic, but the style was surprisingly nice. I'm not sure exactly what I had expected, but definitely not this. There was a bed against the wall, with silky green and ivory coverings. A small dresser stood beside the bed, and seemed to be mounted to the wall; a mirror was mounted above that. There was no other furniture in the room, but there was a rug of oriental design on the floor and art on the walls, also of an oriental style.

"I don't know what you're used to back home, but I hope this will suit you all right," Simon told me as he watched me survey the room.

"It's fine," I assured him. "It's smaller than what I'm used to, but I'm flying in space, so that's got to count for something, right?"

He smiled and nodded.

"Is there anything else I should know right now, or can it wait until later?" I was already moving toward the bed, eagerly anticipating the moment when I could lie down and rest on it.

Simon seemed able to sense my eagerness because he quickly shook his head. "You should be fine for now. I've got some things to do, but I'll be around so when you wake up you should be able to find me pretty easily. Also," he pointed to a box mounted on the wall. "This speaker will allow you to communicate with the ship. Each button connects to a different part of the ship—all the main rooms. This one here will connect to the common areas, which is where I'll be able to hear you if you need me."

"Thank you," I smiled at him and started to lie down.

"Are you sure there's nothing you need right now?"

I shook my head and rolled over onto my side.

"All right."

I could tell he was still standing at the door

"Simon, go away!" I turned my head and smiled at him. "I'm not going anywhere. Nothing is going to happen to me. You've been an amazing help, but I really just feel like resting now."

"I know," he stepped back out of the room. "Sleep well."

Of course once he left, I couldn't sleep at all. I laid on my back for a while, staring up at the ceiling of my small cabin room and pretending I could see through all the floors above me and out into the galaxy we were soaring through. When this experiment failed me, I turned on my side and started to count the lines of bamboo that made up the wall paneling of my room. No matter what I tried, I couldn't stop my mind from replaying the few memories I had of what had happened to me at that party. I felt certain that if only I could remember a little bit more—a face or a sound—I would remember everything and no longer feel so utterly lost. Then my emotions kicked in and told me that I probably didn't want to remember whatever had happened; I was undoubtedly better off not knowing.


	5. Chapter 5

After a little while, I realized the room didn't have a clock, which made it impossible for me to know how long I had been lying there. I hated not knowing the time, but I thought I would have to accept that there were a lot of things I wouldn't know in this new world. After debating with myself for a moment I moved from the bed and prepared to leave the room. Simon had been adamant about calling for him if I needed anything, but what I felt I really needed was a chance to be alone. I had a natural curiosity that couldn't be quelled by a guided tour.

I only had to barely touch the door before it slid open automatically and released me out into the hallway. I looked nervously to the left and to the right, suddenly a little intimidated by my decision, but I took a breath and stepped out of my cabin. I instantly realized the problem of my plan. To the right there were more cabins and on the left was the common room. There was no way for me to pass by without being seen. So, I gave up on my need for privacy, and sought him out.

"You're awake!" Simon saw me as I passed by the window of the infirmary on my way to the common area. He stepped out quickly and stopped me. "You didn't sleep very long."

"I didn't sleep at all," I confessed. "Everything is just too weird. My head won't calm down long enough to let me rest."

"I'm sorry," he smiled. "Would you like to help me with something? It might take your mind off things."

"What do you need help with?"

He guided me back into the infirmary and pointed to an array of syringes he had set up on one of the counters. "I am sorting them so they will be quicker to locate in case of emergencies."

"Are there many emergencies here?"

Simon clearly picked up on the curious anxiety in my voice because he quickly shook his head and tried to reassure me with a smile.

"Not too often, but sometimes the captain's business calls for a little violence," he explained. "And when those times come I am here, ready and waiting to stitch them up."

I moved closer to the needles and peered at them with slight interest. "What do they all do?"

"Different things," Simon explained casually. "It's not that important for you to know really."

Wash's voice sounded over the speakers alerting them all to the rapid approach to whatever planet we were heading to. I didn't catch the name and it wouldn't have meant much to me if I had. Simon glanced to the door and I followed his gaze.

"Do you want to see them off?" He suggested.

I had to admit I was curious. Everything about this place made me curious. "Sure, let's go."

I pulled Inara's satin wrap tighter around myself and followed Simon out of the infirmary and into the large, open room, which he told me was the cargo bay. As we arrived, the others were busily strapping on an assortment of weaponry.

"Guns?" I spoke before I could stop myself.

The captain looked up when I spoke and acknowledged me with a nod. "Feeling better?"

I shrugged, but was too busy watching him store a gun in the back of his pants to give him an answer. "Do you always bring guns on your assignments?"

"Assignments?" Jayne echoed.

"She makes it sound glamorous, doesn't she?" The captain laughed.

I looked at Simon, since they hadn't answered my question adequately. He smiled and nodded.

"So, do you do a lot of shooting?"

"Not when I can help it," the captain grinned. When he realized I wasn't smiling, he took on a more serious expression and came over to the doctor and me. I couldn't take my eyes off the four guns discreetly located on his body. "To be a hundred percent honest with you, our 'assignments' aren't always on the up and up if you know what I mean."

I nodded. "I think I know what you mean."

"Well, sometimes these 'assignments'…"

"Can you stop calling them that?" I interrupted. "I know you're making fun of me because I don't know the lingo, okay? I'm sorry."

"The lingo?" Jayne laughed in the background and I blushed. Adjusting to this new world was not going to be easy.

"Take it easy," the captain held up his hands. "I didn't realize you were so sensitive."

I didn't validate his comment with an answer.

"Anyway, sometimes the jobs we take can run a bit on the dangerous side. The guns are just a precaution."

I pursed my lips and shrugged again. "It's really none of my business."

"Then why are you so curious?"

"I just don't like guns," I answered plainly. I took a step away from the captain, taking unconscious refuge closer to Simon.

"Sorry," Captain Reynolds offered me a smile, but fingered his gun at the same time. "They make me feel manly."

I rolled my eyes. "Really? A strong captain like you? Do you really need guns to feel manly?"

For a minute I honestly thought the captain was blushing a little, but he covered it up quickly with a brief laugh and a grin. "Well, when you put it that way…" he returned to the others who were preparing to disembark. "Behave yourselves now."

I smiled. It was strange how quickly the captain was able to make me feel more comfortable. Even in this strange time and place and situation, when I saw him smile something inside me was put at ease.

"All right, we're off!" The captain motioned to Jayne and Zoe and the three exited the ship through the door that had been lowered. I managed to sneak a glimpse of the outside, which ended up confusing me even more; it looked like a small rural town, like something I might discover in the Midwest in my own country. I still couldn't grasp being in space.

I stood with Simon until the others had gone and then we returned to the infirmary to finish organizing.

"Simon, tell me more about space."

"What do you want to know?" He showed me where to put one of the syringes I was holding.

"Everything," I decided. "Give me the history lesson."

And so he did. I spent almost the next two hours learning everything I could have ever needed to know about what happened to my beloved Earth and how space had developed since then. He told me the facts and the science and even gave me a run-down on the war that had taken place a few years ago. I learned why the captain had problems with the Alliance and the details of the jobs he now pursued under the government's radar.

After Simon had given me all the details I wanted, he then asked for some of his own in return. So, I spent the next hour telling him random facts about the world, as I knew it.

Then, he told me about his sister and the adventures he had had in rescuing her from the facility where the government was holding her. He explained her situation, as best as he could, but I realized that there were still gaps in his knowledge, which only made him more concerned for her.

We had finished organizing after the first two hours. For the two that followed, we sat side by side on one of the tables in the infirmary covering all our questions.

Before we had run out of questions though, we were alarmed by a shrill scream coming from the passenger cabins. I knew who it was instantly, just as Simon did, but he reacted first, breaking into a run and leaving me behind in his haste to reach his sister. It only took me a moment to run after him, but when I got there he was already turning into his sister's room.

"River!"

I stopped in the doorway and could only stare at the girl who was still screaming loudly with her hands clawing at her hair and her eyes squeezed tightly. She had tucked herself into one of the corners of the cabin and her body was trembling violently. Simon knelt in front of her, but seemed hesitant to reach out.

"River, talk to me!"

The girl didn't respond and she didn't stop screaming.

Simon turned to me, realizing I had followed him. "Go to the infirmary…the needles we had started to organize…there's one labeled…"

"Simon," I cut him off and quickly stepped into the room. "She doesn't need drugs!" I may not have known much about the situation or about her in general, but I knew something about girls and about human emotions. "She needs to be comforted." Pushing him out of the way, I took his place, kneeling in front of her, and quickly reached out to her.

"Charlotte…" Simon didn't leave. He clearly didn't like my tactic of taking care of his sister more than his usual turn to drugs for sedation. "You don't understand how this works."

"And you don't understand that she's just a girl!" I snapped. I don't know what made me suddenly so interested, or protective of the girl, but for some reason I couldn't tolerate the idea of her being drugged into silence. "Just give me a few minutes with her. I can handle this!"

Simon still seemed hesitant, but he watched quietly as I inched closer to River and opened my arms.

"River," I whispered to her in what I hoped was a soothing voice. I remembered the term Inara had used and tried it out. "Mei-mei…"

River's screams had subsided a few moments earlier, but she was still convulsing hysterically and whimpers were escaping from low in her throat.

"Mei-mei," I repeated and this time started to pull her into my arms gently, while expressing soft 'shushing' sounds.

River slowly obliged my open arms and folded her small body against mine and buried her face against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close as she continued to whimper and shake.

"Simon, please, I can handle her." I assured him without looking over my shoulder. After another moment I heard him walk away, finally leaving me alone with his fragile sister. "River," I spoke to her the moment I knew we were alone. "Can you tell me why you screamed?"

She didn't answer, but she wasn't whimpering anymore either.

"Mei-mei, why did you scream? You scared us, you know? Your brother and me, we're worried about you."

"I'm fine," she told me suddenly.

I was relieved to hear her speak, even if I didn't necessarily believe her. "Then why did you scream? You didn't sound fine."

She pulled away from me and rested her back against the wall again, but she still didn't speak. I decided to change my direction.

"River, when you first saw me, you knew I wasn't supposed to be here," I reminded her. She just stared at me with her questioning eyes. "How did you know that?"

River shrugged.

"Your brother told me you were different," I mentioned quietly. "Special, was the exact word I think."

"I'm his sister," she reminded me. "Of course he thinks I'm special."

"I don't think that's what he was referring to," I told her. "I think you see things."

She suddenly got very quiet, but there was a soft smile on her lips. The expression made her a little frightening to look at; it was almost as if she wasn't fully lucid anymore. I reached out to her again, but she didn't show any signs of reciprocating the affection this time, so I pulled my hands back to myself.

She started whispering, but it was so quiet I couldn't even hear what she was saying. I leaned forward, but she suddenly stopped and looked up at me.

"I saw you," she said.

"Saw me where?" I inquired quickly. Again the girl was quiet. "River, how did you see me?"

Her eyes caught mine and I felt them as if they were penetrating into my mind. "You were wearing a green dress."

My mouth dropped a little. I instantly thought of the green dress that I could remember wearing before the irritating gap in my memory.

"You were very pretty," she commented dreamily.

"Thank you," I didn't know what else to say.

"You're in here…" she pointed to her head. "I can see you in here, but I don't know what it means."

"Mei-mei," I decided to try again to offer her comfort. This time River let me bring her to her feet and take her over to the bed, where we sat close together with her hand tucked into mine.

"I want it to stop," she cried.

"What?" I needed more details from her, but from what her brother said the details she was usually able to give were slim to none.

"Everything," she explained. "I shouldn't see these things. It's not for me to see."

"I'm sorry River," I brought her head to my shoulder and touched my lips to her hair. When I looked up again I noticed a new figure in the doorway. "Hi," I smiled at the girl who had yet to be nice to me.

Kaylee leaned her head against the doorframe; she looked close to tears. I waited for her to say something, but she just watched us for a minute and then turned away and left us alone.

"River," I spoke softly. "I realize you're not always aware of what you're seeing and you probably don't always remember, but can you try to remember what you saw before, what made you scream?"

She shrugged again.

"Mei-mei, I can't help you if you won't let me."

"You can't help me at all," she replied. "Nobody can."

I sighed. She looked so helpless, and yet at the same time, there was something about her that scared me a little. Her face was so certain and so frightened. Suddenly she looked up at me and I could see something else was wrong. Her lips parted and she shook her head.

"Company's coming."

Before I even had a chance to ponder the meaning of her words, Simon poked his head in the cabin.

"Charlotte, stay here. Keep River out of sight."

"What's wrong?" I demanded.

"I don't know exactly. Wash said we've got company…it doesn't look like the good sort either." He smiled at his sister briefly and then darted off.

I glanced at River who was now staring down at her lap, but she was once again murmuring under her breath. I couldn't help but catch the fact that she had predicted 'company' just moments before Simon announced it. Again I felt frightened by her uncanny knowledge. Doing as I was told, I intended to stay on the bed beside River until Simon returned and told us otherwise, but a female scream changed my mind.


	6. Chapter 6

"River," I stood from the bed and released her hand. "Stay here."

She looked up at me and didn't answer.

"Do you understand me?" I questioned. "Stay right here. Don't go anywhere. Okay?"

She nodded finally and I exited the room, sliding the door shut securely. The scream had come from the direction of the cargo bay on the other side of the infirmary, so I pulled the wrap tighter about myself and headed in that direction. I don't know what I thought my presence would accomplish, but for some reason hearing the scream inspired me to take action.

I stopped short as I entered the large room. I was still hidden behind the long staircase, but I could clearly see a strange man with his hands on Kaylee, obviously against her will. From what I could see, there were four other men, at least. Simon was there as well, staring at Kaylee fearfully. I noticed Wash standing up on the catwalk, watching the scene below with equal trepidation.

"Now, I don't know much 'bout ships meself, but I'm willing to bet a pretty thing like you living with a bunch of mangy men like this lot has got to have a few tricks up her sleeves." The man holding Kaylee gripped her tighter and sniffed eagerly at her hair.

"Don't touch her!" Simon shouted at the stranger, but the men just laughed.

Before I could stop myself, I spoke up. "Let her go."

The men turned to me instantly. I noticed Simon's head shake when he spotted me, and I realized that letting myself be seen was probably not the smartest decision, but it was too late to take it back.

"Well, what do we have here?" The man with his arms on Kaylee leered in my direction. "I wasn't aware we were in the presence of an actual woman of profession."

It took me a moment to realize what he meant, but when I remembered what I was wearing and how my hair had been done up, I understood. He thought I was a companion. Thinking of Inara, I tried to imagine what she would do in this situation. I was sure she would be perfectly eloquent and work this situation out smoothly, but I wasn't her. I didn't know where to start, but the terror I saw in Kaylee's eyes convinced me that I had to try.

"You are," I confirmed the lie. "Let her go. Trust me. She's a mechanic. Her idea of a good time is fixing a broken piece of metal."

He considered my words and released Kaylee. "Run along little girl. Go and play with your toys." The man shooed her with a rather hard slap on her bum. "This is time for the grown-ups."

Kaylee ran towards me and I caught her arm as she passed. "Stay with River." I whispered. She nodded and ran that direction.

"Now, maybe you want to tell me who you are and what you're doing here?" I took a couple steps forward, coming in front of the staircase and letting myself be more visible to the strangers.

"No, I don't feel much like talkin' right now." He moved towards me. "I let that other one go so I could have a taste of somethin' better. So, let's get started."

I shook my head. "I'm not doing anything with you."

"I don't think that's your decision."

"I'm a companion," I told him. "Maybe you've never had the pleasure of a visit from a companion, but you should know, we choose our clients. Not the other way around."

"You think I'm jokin' around whore?" He reached me before I could react and took hold of me firmly. "Your Cap'n should've been back over an hour ago and see the boys and me, we're staring to worry he's plannin' to take our goods and leave us hangin'."

"He wouldn't do that," I argued. I had no proof, but it seemed like the truth.

"Well, we're hangin' around until he comes back, see? And I know my boys could do with a bit of entertainment while we wait."

"Let go of me!" I tried to free myself, but even if I had been in top physical condition, this guy would still be stronger than me.

"I'd stop strugglin' if I were you whore!"

The next moment I heard the clink of metal and felt the flat blade of a knife pressing against my neck.

"You don't want to hurt her!" Shepherd Book spoke up. I had forgotten he was even here, and clearly the strangers didn't realize it either because they turned in shock when they heard him. The knife didn't move from my neck though.

"My, my, a companion and a shepherd on the same ship. Does she confess her sins to you Shepherd?" One of the other men asked, laughing most nastily.

"Yea, do you forgive her sins while she's servicing you?"

I squirmed as the blade tickled along my neck.

"I said, you don't want to hurt her," the Shepherd repeated calmly. I was impressed with his ability to remain so calm in this situation. "She is a companion," he remarked. I wondered where he had been hiding when he heard me announce myself as one. "As you yourself have said," he continued. "Are you, or are you not aware that a companion is the property of the alliance?"

"You know you're right," the stranger holding me sighed, but didn't remove the blade. "Maybe I should bring the other girl back—she don't belong to nobody. I bet I could leave all sorts of marks on that pretty lil' bitch…"

"Shut up!" I spoke out, unable to stop myself.

"Oh, is that how it's goin' to be?" He gripped my arm tighter and I winced.

"Please…" I felt him shift the blade slightly, bringing it further around my neck, so I had no chance of slipping away from him without being cut. "You have me, isn't that enough for you?"

"Well now, I don't rightly know," he decided. "I'll have to do a bit more explorin' before I've got an answer for you."

"Exploring?" I echoed nervously.

A moment later I understood what he meant as I felt his hand not holding the knife to my throat start to travel across my body. First it slid across my stomach and then up my front until it reached my chest. I sucked in my breath when I felt his hand begin to grope uncomfortably at my breast.

"Not bad," he commented and his fingers continued to feel freely. "Anyone else want to have a feel?"

Another one of the strange men approached us and reached out excitedly to grope me as well. I clenched my teeth together tightly, determined not to express the turmoil of emotions that I was feeling at that moment. I knew that I was unsuccessful though when I felt a tear rolling down my cheek. Simon, Wash, and the Shepherd noticed too. I could see it in the pain and anger on their faces.

"Don't touch her!" Simon finally burst. A moment later though he was punished by yet another one of the strangers who came up behind him and punched him square in the jaw.

"That's right," the stranger holding me laughed. "Keep 'em in line Brum!"

I couldn't help thinking about the peculiarity of the name 'Brum' despite the current circumstance. It was a silly name. The next moment I had forgotten my amusement by his absurd name as I felt the shoulder straps of my dress being pulled down over my shoulders.

"Feelin' ain't half bad, but I wouldn't mind a lil' peek at the goods," said the man standing in front of me and slowly slid down the top of my dress.

I wanted to fight back, but the man behind me still had the knife to my throat and his other arm was wrapped around my waist securely; I knew that fighting was impossible. The only choice I had was to stand still and let these men expose me and violate me right there in front of everyone. Another tear slipped down my cheek. When I could feel air against my bare breasts I realized that my chest was now fully uncovered. My eyes drifted around the open space, trying to focus anywhere except for on the man who was now fondling me naked. Unfortunately, in my attempt to avoid him, my eyes connected with Simon who was standing a few steps up towards the catwalk, being held back by the man who had punched him a moment ago.

"Come on lad, don't look away." The man holding me leered at Simon who was kindly turning his head away from me. I noticed Wash and the Shepherd were doing the same. "I'm sure you're curious to see the goods—unless you've already tested them. Does she give discounts for the crew?"

"I've never touched her!" Simon insisted loudly.

"Well, that don't mean you've ne'er thought 'bout it," he continued. "You watch her prancin' 'round night and day wearin' such a skimpy lil' thing and you really 'spect me to believe you ne'er wondered what was goin' on under them silks?"

Simon shook his head.

"You ain't good at lyin' boy," he sighed. "Brum, let's make sure the kid gets a full view of this here beauty, yea?"

Brum, who hadn't left Simon's side, grinned at this command and pulled a gun from the holster at his waist. He cocked the gun and placed the barrel against the back of Simon's head.

"Watch her," he growled.

Simon tried to refuse, but Brum used his free hand to hold Simon's head firmly in place aimed directly at me.

"Keep your eyes on her or you both die."

Simon looked at me reluctantly. I could see the embarrassment in his face. I did my best to smile at him, trying to reassure his sense of modesty. He had no choice.

"That one too," the man holding me motioned up towards Wash. "You can let the Shepherd be. I wouldn't want to taint his holiness—wouldn't want to risk my eternal soul and all that."

Another man hurried up the stairs to the catwalk where Wash was still standing. Wash tried to flee, but the man was large and had muscles bigger than Wash's head; he easily overpowered the pilot and forced him to stare at me in the same manner as Simon was being forced.

"There now, ain't it more fun, us all sharin' the pleasure like this?"

I felt the knife slip a little as the man adjusted its position, but it didn't slide too far and I knew he still had a good hold on me.

"Right Kipper, back off now," he suddenly stopped the man who had continued to grope me.

The man, Kipper, looked a little frustrated to be stopped, but he backed up obediently. For a minute I thought I was safe; I thought they might be finished with me. Only a second later though I felt a hand grabbing at me again and knew that the man holding me had just wanted me to himself. Kipper backed off to where his companions were standing with Simon and Wash—he clearly wanted a better view.

Just when I thought I would break down entirely, I saw the men's faces opposite me go rigid. Simon and Wash, however, were smiling. A moment later I heard the distinct clicking of a gun being cocked and I felt the hand fondling my breast freeze.

"What have we got here?"

I recognized Captain Reynolds's voice immediately. The relief it brought me was indescribable.

"Hey there Mal," the man holding me felt suddenly tense all over. He still held me securely though. "Guess you made it back after all."

"You knew I would all along, Tally." Mal sounded fierce. "And yet you insist on spoiling the friendship we could've had. Really, what did you have to gain by it? A few seconds in heaven with a beautiful woman? Was it worth it?"

"She's pretty damn great, Mal, I won't lie."

"Well I hope she was great enough to make up for the pain you're going to feel when you realize how much business you've lost from me."

"Come on Mal, don't be like that."

"Tally, I'm going to give you and your boys three seconds to get off my ship," Mal told him. "And frankly, I feel that's being a might generous, so you best not do anything to piss me off in the next three seconds."

"Now look here Mal—you've got a gorram gun pressed against my skull. What assurance do I have of gettin' away?"

"None whatsoever," the captain replied calmly.

"Well now I don't know 'bout that," Tally responded. "Seein' as I've got a knife to this girl's throat, I'm thinkin' I could do a bit of damage if you don't let me go."

"I expect you could," he agreed. "But you won't."

"Oh?"

"If I see so much as one scratch on her, you won't ever taste fresh air again, dong ma?"

Tally still hesitated, but his hand had slipped from my breast and he seemed a little less confident.

"You know I'm not alone here Tally," Mal continued. "Mine isn't the only gun aimed on you at this moment, or your men for that matter."

"All right," Tally gave in. "But we're goin' to do this my way."

"Hmm, interesting theory," Mal chuckled a little. "You've now got one and a half seconds to release her and get the hell out of here!"

Before I knew what was happening, I had been spun around and shoved in the general direction of the captain. Mal reacted only to protect me and caught me in one arm, while simultaneously disarming his gun so as to prevent an accident. Tally ran off the ship, quickly followed by all his lackeys. No one looked back.

"Get the door Jayne," Mal commanded. He didn't release me—he didn't loosen his hold on me at all. In fact, he was holding onto me much tighter than he probably needed to, but it comforted me more than I could express and I felt no desire to pull away, despite the fact I was still uncovered on top. "Simon, Wash, you okay?"

"Fang-sheen," Wash nodded.

"Where're the other girls?"

"We're here, Cap'n." Kaylee and River emerged from the passenger quarters, looking a little less stable than the guys.

"Good," Mal smiled at them—Kaylee in particular. "You okay?"

"Yea," Kaylee responded quickly, but I noted that her voice seemed to be trembling a little.

"Wash, can you get us out of atmo? I hate to be predictable, but we're in a bit of a hurry."

"Right away," Wash headed up to his station.

"Jayne, help Kaylee in the engine room."

"Huh?"

"You heard me," he repeated.

"I don't need help Cap'n," Kaylee protested.

"Take Jayne with you," he insisted.

They must have given in, because they both left without another word. It wasn't until they were gone that the captain addressed me. I had yet to even look up—my pain and humiliation was too great for me to accept at that moment and keeping my face buried in his chest seemed safer.

"You okay?" He asked me quietly.

I didn't answer because I was afraid I would start to cry if I tried to talk at all.

He was persistent though. "Did they hurt you?"

"Not really," I answered finally.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Again I didn't answer—I didn't know what to say.

"Charlotte…" this was only the second time he had addressed me by name. "Charlotte, will you be okay?"

"Yes," I answered softly.

"Good, then Doc, I think it's time to put that talent of yours to use."

"What?" I could hear Simon's hurried steps down the staircase. "I thought she was fine. I was watching, I didn't see them hurt her…"

"Yea, no, she's good."

I felt the captain's hand gently rub across my bare back and I tensed uncomfortably. He noticed the change and removed his hands.

"She will be at least," he corrected his earlier statement. "I, however, finally find myself in need of your services."

"You?" I gasped when I realized he was hurt. I backed away from him instantly, keeping my arms covering my chest carefully. It was then that I noticed the splotch of blood spreading across his shirt. "Oh god! Captain, you should have said something!"

"It's not a big deal," he tried to shrug it off, but I could see the pain in his expression. "Umm, look, you should umm…" he looked suddenly awkward.

"What?"

He slipped off his jacket, revealing more of the blood stain, and draped it over my shoulders, pulling it closed. "You were still showing a little."

I blushed and held the jacket tightly, instinctively turning away from him. "Thank you…"

"Captain, you need to come with me right now," Simon was firmly urging Mal towards the infirmary. "Zoe, could you give me a hand?"

Zoe stepped up quickly and followed them away, leaving me alone, which I strangely preferred at that moment. Of course after a second I realized I wasn't alone at all. Shepherd Book was still hovering above me on the catwalk, looking as though he was just waiting for me to ask for him. River was there also, lingering by the base of the stairs and staring at me with wide, curious eyes. Without a word to either of them I headed past the infirmary and towards my room. All I wanted was to be alone and once I was, I huddled into the corner of my room, with the jacket still pulled tight around me, and cried until my head ached.


	7. Chapter 7

I don't remember how long I cried before I fell asleep. It was almost three hours later when a persistent knocking on the door awoke me. Lifting my head, I glanced towards the door and saw that it was still closed—whoever knocked remained on the outside. Before answering, I untangled myself from the comfort of the jacket and adjusted the straps of my dress to make sure I was fully covered.

"Come in," I answered at last.

The knocking stopped and the door slid open, revealing the Shepherd in the doorway.

"Shepherd Book," I greeted him without emotion. His presence was undoubtedly in order to check up on me, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to be checked up on.

"Are you well, my dear?"

His sweet face held such gentleness and genuine compassion that I felt obligated to be nice in return.

"I've been better," I told him honestly, though this time I gave him a slight smile.

"You were very brave," he replied.

I shrugged. "Or very stupid."

"You acted on behalf of Kaylee, for which I am sure she is grateful to you," he assured me. "And you acted selflessly. When it might have been better for you to stay hidden and protect yourself, you stepped out and protected others."

"It felt right," I responded simply. I didn't want him making me out to be some sort of self-sacrificing hero. Really I hadn't put too much thought into my action; I just knew I had to do something. "She looked so scared, and for some reason, I just knew that he might really hurt her."

"You assumed correct," he nodded. "That man would have shown Kaylee no respect. Even though how he treated you was crude and wrong, he still treated you with a measure of restraint."

"Because he thought I was a companion."

"Yes."

My mind replayed the events I had just experienced and I felt my cheeks growing warm with humiliation and shame.

"I am proud of you for your courage," he told me after a moment.

"I was terrified," I admitted, and even as I still thought of it, tears came back to my eyes. "I thought I was going to die—or be hurt again…"

"Hurt again?"

I realized I had said more than I had meant to, especially to him, but he had been so sweet in coming to me, that I felt he deserved an explanation.

"I don't know how much you have been told about me, by Simon or the Captain, about what happened before I was sent here…" I waited for him to respond, but he looked confused so I continued. "The men who sent me here gave me a drug to put me to sleep and then they…" I hesitated, but didn't have to continue.

"I see," he understood quickly. "They violated you."

His word choice made me smile, but I nodded. "And then the way the men touched me today…"

He cleared his throat and I worried I had made him uncomfortable, but I wanted him to understand why I was so upset.

"I've never been touched in that way before—except for the men who 'violated' me without my knowledge."

"Oh?" He frowned and then his eyes lighted with further understanding. "Oh…dear child…my heart aches for you and for all you have been put through."

The shepherd talked funny, but somehow it comforted me. This conversation had been too personal and painful, however, and I didn't want to think about it anymore.

"How is the Captain?"

"Fine," Shepherd Book adjusted to the new topic politely. "He's resting."

"What was wrong with him?"

"The captain had gotten mixed up with some trouble, again," Shepherd sighed and shook his head. "He is rather good at that. I don't know the details, but he seems to have gotten himself shot. The bullet passed through him all right, and the doctor was able to stitch him up, but there was a lot of pain and so he's taken something and is now resting."

"He'll be okay though, right?"

"Absolutely," he nodded. "The captain is strong and can recover well."

"Good," I smiled slightly. I hadn't even realized how anxious I had been about the captain. When I looked up I realized the Shepherd was smiling at me curiously.

"If you would like to go and see him, I'm sure that would be all right."

"Go and see him?" I shook my head. "Why would I do that? I'm sure he doesn't want to be bothered by me, again. He needs his rest."

"I don't think the captain thinks of you as a bother."

"Why shouldn't he? I've just been dropped into his life, throwing off all his plans and he's been forced to take care of me and figure out what to do with me…"

"The captain hasn't been forced into anything. When you get to know him better, you'll realize that no one can force Captain Reynolds to do something he does not want to do on his own."

I was quiet.

"Perhaps you would like to thank him for intervening on your behalf just a little while ago. Or perhaps you would simply like to sit with him while he rests. Sometimes one can take comfort in the close proximity of another while they are unwell." The Shepherd started to leave. "If you need anything, please come and find me—or anyone else. There are a lot of people on this ship who are concerned about you, my dear. You should not fear to let them in."

I considered his words as he walked away from me—all of his words. And finally I relented to my desire to go and check on the captain. Sitting with him seemed like a strange idea, but it couldn't hurt to see if he was awake and thank him for saving me from a terrible situation.

When I reached the door of the infirmary, I lost all nerve to enter. I could see the captain lying on the same table that I had been placed on when I had first been brought on board. His eyes were closed, so I wasn't sure if he was awake or not. His shirt was removed and a large bandage had been wrapped multiple times around him to cover the wound low on his stomach, but he looked all right. He looked peaceful at least, which seemed positive to me.

"Are you coming in?"

I started when he spoke. "How did you know I was here?"

"You're breathing kind of heavy."

"Am I?" I hadn't even noticed, but now that he mentioned it I realized he was right. "Sorry."

He opened his eyes slowly and looked at me, smiling. "You're a little unusual."

"Unusual?" I frowned. His word choice wasn't exactly reassuring.

"Yep," he grinned.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Don't know."

My frown deepened.

"Don't stress about it," he coughed and winced a little. I could tell that his wound was still bothering him.

"Can I get you anything?"

He smiled at me again when his coughing fit had passed. "I think the Doc brought me some water…"

I spotted a glass of water on the counter and quickly moved forward to retrieve it. His eyes followed me as I reached the counter, picked up the glass, and brought it to him. Slipping my hand behind his neck gently, I encouraged him to lift his head just a little so I could more easily tip the glass to his lips without spilling. When he had a couple swallows, he dropped his head back down, looking painfully exhausted.

"Thank you."

"Are you sure you've had enough?"

He just smiled at me, which made me feel a little uncomfortable, so I took the glass away and returned it to the counter.

"Why'd you come here?"

I turned. "Why? Are you serious? How many times are we going to have to cover this? I don't know how I…"

"No, no," he stopped me quickly. "I'm not talking about you coming here to space. Why did you come here to see me?"

I hesitated.

"You did come to see me, didn't you?"

I nodded. "I just wanted to check up on you. Mr. Book…"

"Shepherd," he corrected me.

"Right, Shepherd Book told me the doctor had managed to stitch you up all right, and…"

"And?"

"And he thought you might enjoy some company."

"Company?" He smiled.

"I came here to sit with you," I told him at last.

"That's thoughtful."

"And to thank you."

"To thank me?"

"For earlier, the way you stepped in and saved me like you did…"

"I'm not sure you'd call it saving. Those guys wouldn't have hurt you seriously."

"They did though," I sighed. "Not in the way you mean, but they did hurt me."

His eyes drifted away from me. "I know, and I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier to protect you from them completely."

"It's not your fault."

He stared at me for a minute and sighed.

"What?" I didn't like how he looked at me.

"You've been through so much."

I couldn't respond. There was something so sincere in his tone that it took me by surprise.

"I'm sorry," he picked up on my silence. "Have I made you uncomfortable?"

"No, you haven't." I smiled and before I could stop myself I reached out to touch his arm.

His arm twitched when I touched him and I quickly pulled my hand away, suddenly embarrassed.

"Maybe I should go," I continued backwards.

"Miss Charlotte…" he struggled to sit up as I moved further away from him.

I could tell the movement bothered him and I stopped him quickly. "Please don't exhaust yourself Captain." I moved back towards him, but not as close as before. "And please, call me Charley."

"Charley…" he repeated.

"Or Lotte, or whatever else you want, just no more of this 'miss' business."

"Okay," he smiled and started to lie back down. "Could you push that button there on the wall for me, please? I need to talk to Zoe."

I pushed the button on the speaker that he had indicated and waited for a response.

"Yea?" It was Wash.

"Umm…hi…this is Charlotte…I'm here with the Captain, and he wants to talk to Zoe."

"Sure thing," Wash was silent for a minute and then Zoe came on.

"You there Captain?"

I looked back at him and saw he was sitting up a little again. "Hey Zoe."

"How you feeling, Sir?"

"Like something tore through my stomach and came out the other side."

I grimaced at the image he had just planted in my mind.

"What can I do for you Sir?"

"Where're we heading?"

"Umm, you never said Sir, but Shepherd thought we might need a couple days to rest."

"What do you mean?"

"We're heading to Haven."

"Haven?"

I looked at him and noticed his frown. Then he sighed and lied down again.

"Yea, that's a good idea. We could all use a few days to rest. Why don't you have Wash send Inara a wave and let her know our plans? If she wants us to pick her up first we can, or she can stay where she is for a few extra days."

"Will do, Sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, not now."

"Okay Sir," Zoe clicked off the intercom on her end and I released the button I was pressing.

"What's Haven?" I asked.

"It's a planet that keeps pretty well off alliance radar." Captain Reynolds explained simply. He must have noticed that my confusion remained because he tried to expand his explanation. "It's mostly used by those who'd rather not be bothered by the law, if you know what I mean."

I nodded.

"It's a good place. Use to be a mining town, now it's just dry, but it's comfortable enough and peaceful, so we can rest there without being bothered."

I nodded again. "It sounds nice."

"It's not bad," he shrugged. "You might enjoy being docked for a while."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Not much," he admitted. "It's fine though. It's a nice change, I guess. Nothing beats being in the sky though."

I smiled because I knew that he meant it so seriously. I had barely known him twenty-four hours, but even I knew how much he loved his skies. Nothing was more important to him than flying in his ship—his Serenity. He was watching me curiously, as though trying to read my thoughts. I didn't know what inspired me to speak to him so openly, but I felt a need to say what had come into my mind.

"Back in my time, I live in an apartment with this great roof deck, and some nights I spend hours up there, staring up at the stars and wondering what it would be like to experience them…to fly among them."

"It's incredible," he commented. "I couldn't imagine any other life."

"Have you ever had another life? I mean, before you were flying, what did you do? Where did you live?"

He didn't answer, and I wondered if I had asked too much. Perhaps there were certain things that he wanted to keep private from someone who was still a stranger like me.

"You don't have to keep me company, you know," he told me suddenly.

"Oh," I looked away from him and nodded. "All right."

"I mean, if you want to, you can," he spoke up quickly when I started to walk towards the door.

I stopped and turned back. "What do you want?"

Before he answered, Simon entered the infirmary, followed by Kaylee and Jayne.

"How're you feeling Captain?" Kaylee asked with a wide smile as she approached his side. "Simon says you're just shiny, but you're not looking a hundred percent yet."

"I'm not feeling a hundred percent yet," he told her. "But I'm sure it's just a matter of time. The doc knows what he's doing."

Simon nodded. "You'll be fine in a few days."

"I guess it's good we're getting some resting time in then."

"Resting time?" Jayne spoke up.

"We're stopping at Haven for a few days."

"Haven? Now?" Jayne frowned. "Are we runnin' from somethin'?"

"Nope."

"Then why're we stoppin' when we should be lookin' for our next payday."

"It's not always about the job, Jayne," the captain reminded him. "Sometimes it's good to take a break. Zoe and I think it'll be good to take some time and reevaluate our next move…"

I could feel his eyes on me, but I stared resolutely at the ground.

"I think it's a waste of time," Jayne said.

"You're entitled to your opinion, but in the end, it's mine that counts."

"Whatever," Jayne huffed, and left the room.

"I think a visit to Haven will be shiny, Captain."

I could hear the smile in Kaylee's voice, even without looking at her. Though she had yet to be friendly to me, there was something in her presence that was contagiously cheerful. Just listening to her made me want to smile.

"A rest could be good for all of us," Simon agreed. "And right now, I think a rest is exactly what you need Sir," he decided. "We should all let you be for a while."

"Sleep tight!" Kaylee crossed the room and brushed past me without a word.

Simon came to my side and motioned me out of the room. I looked back at the captain who was almost smiling at me. I could have been imagining it of course, but he looked a little sorry to see me go.

"Charley," he spoke suddenly. "The Doc's not going to let me out for supper…if you were up to it, I might be interested in some company at that time, especially if that company came with food…"

I nodded. "I'll see you then."

"You know, sometimes I think you might be too nice for your own good," Simon commented as we walked together to the dining room.

"How do you figure?"

He shook his head. "Never mind."

I caught his meaning through his silence. "You think that if I wasn't so nice, so trusting perhaps, that I wouldn't have gotten myself into this situation."

"Something like that."

"It's more than trust, Simon," I told him. "I'm not as naive as you might believe. It was just a difficult time for me, with school and everything, and the party—the invitation—it was too tempting to pass up."

"By the invitation you refer to the guy who asked you to meet him there, I assume."

"Yes," I sighed. "I know it sounds stupid. I was way too interested in him for my own good, obviously, but he was pretty damn cute."

"I'm sure he was."

"How could I have been so stupid?" I laughed a little at myself, though more out of misery than humor. "Falling for a guy like that…"

"Guys can be very deceptive when they're charming, I imagine."

"You wouldn't know anything about that though, would you?" I smiled at him and he blushed a little. "If only there were more men like you in the world."

"I think there might be more than you think."

"I doubt it."

"Don't give up all together, Charlotte."

I suddenly started laughing and couldn't stop myself for almost a minute. Simon stared at me curiously, without laughing himself, until I had calmed.

"What's so funny?"

"You, us, this conversation!" I still laughed a little. "When did it get so serious?"

"I don't know," he smiled slightly. "I'm serious by nature I suppose."

"Well, maybe you should work on that."

"Maybe I will."

We reached the dining hall and I was inexplicably relieved to find it empty. I still wasn't ready to face what had happened to me that day, and I knew that a crowd would mean talking about it, or at least remembering it.

"Charlotte, there's something I must say…"

"Okay?" I wondered at his tone, but took a seat at the table and he paced around me.

"About earlier…"

"Earlier?" I prodded him when he silenced for a moment.

"When the men were here, and they were…handling you…"

"That's a nice way to say it, thank you."

"Yes, well, when that was happening, and they made me…" he stopped again and took a slow breath. "They made me watch, and I am sorry for what I saw."

"You said it yourself, they made you," I reminded him. "I could never blame you for something that you did not do intentionally. I know you would never do anything like that."

He let out a breath, clearly out of relief, and smiled at me. "Thank you."

"Can we discuss something else?"

"Of course," he answered very quickly. "I'm sorry. Obviously you wouldn't want to talk about that."

"Talk about what?"

We both turned as Jayne entered the dining area and butted into our conversation. He was flipping a knife in his hand. Neither of us spoke.

"Oh, come on. Did I miss all the good stuff?"

"You didn't miss anything," I responded quickly. "We were just talking."

"Yea? 'Bout what?"

Simon cleared his throat, clearly trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't lead to anything uncomfortable for me. He wasn't coming up with anything though, so I decided to speak up.

"He was giving me more history lessons about what happened to my Earth. Do you think you could add anything to help?"

Jayne shook his head. "Not likely."

"Then perhaps you could learn something from my lesson," Simon mentioned gently.

Jayne grunted at the idea and quickly left the room.

I smiled at his hasty retreat. "That was clever."

"Jayne isn't a very complicated man to understand. He doesn't appreciate education," he told me.

I tried to find the humor in Simon's comment, but I was still so exhausted from the day, or rather the days, I had been having, that I excused myself from him and returned to my cabin. I actually managed to fall asleep for a short while before I was awoken by a knock on my door.

"Come in," I sat up in bed as I called out.

I was surprised when River slid the door open and poked her head inside. Her dark hair hung down freely, as always, and covered half her face, which gave her a very mysterious appearance.

"River," I climbed out of bed and smiled at her, hoping to put her at ease. She still confused me, and to be honest, she sort of made me nervous. It was undoubtedly because of how everyone else acted around her; I didn't know how to act.

"I'm supposed to fetch you," she told me abruptly. "For supper."

"Oh, all right," I moved toward the door, expecting her to exit and lead me back to the dining hall, but she stood still, staring at me strangely.

"I make you nervous," she commented after a moment.

I shook my head, a little surprised by her words. "Not nervous, no." I knew she was still trying to read me, though I couldn't begin to explain how. "Uncertain. I feel there is a lot about you that I don't understand, and that makes it complicated for me…" I analyzed her expression. Her eyes were sad, but full of thought. "I expect it's complicated for you as well."

She turned from me suddenly and started to walk away. "Supper's ready."

"Yes, you said that," I followed her silently up to the dining area. I decided that River was going to be a puzzle that required my patience.

When we reached the dining room the others had already gathered—all except the captain of course. Simon stood automatically as River and I entered. He pulled a chair out for his sister and then turned to pull mine out as well, but I shook my head.

"The captain asked if I would bring him supper since he cannot join us here," I said. "I thought I would eat there with him."

"Oh," he nodded. "Very well. I'll prepare a plate for you both."

Zoe quickly stood to help him. "This will be your first meal with us," she pointed out.

I nodded, and then wondered if my leaving was right. "Should I eat here, with you? I don't know the protocols for mealtimes. Should I not eat in the infirmary?"

"You can eat wherever you like," Zoe assured me. "We'll have the pleasure of your company tomorrow."

I took both the loaded plates and thanked them before heading back down the stairs and to the infirmary. At the door I paused; the captain appeared to be sleeping, and I didn't think he should be disturbed if he needed rest. I started to set the plates down on a table outside the door of the infirmary, but I fumbled a little and they clanked. I stood very quietly for a moment, but he stirred.

"Did you bring me food?"

I smiled and stepped into the room. "I feel like you want to add a 'woman' to the end of that question."

"I'm sorry if I sounded rude," he apologized quickly.

"I was joking," I assured him. "I wouldn't have brought you the food if I didn't want to."

"Really?"

"Well, fine, maybe I would have," I put the plates down. "You are the captain after all. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to disobey the captain's orders."

"I didn't order you to bring me dinner," he corrected me. "You didn't have to…I could have had Kaylee or one of the others bring it…"

"Captain, like I said, if I hadn't wanted to, I wouldn't have brought it," I came to his side and reached out slowly. "You need to sit up so you can eat. Do you mind if I help you?"

He shook his head and I slipped my hand behind his back, gently pressing him forward into a sitting position, as he carefully slid back against the table that had been raised into a chair. He winced a little.

"Are you comfortable?"

He smirked. "Comfortable might be a bit of an overstatement…"

"Well, maybe some food will help," I gave him one of the plates and pulled up a chair beside him for myself.

"Oh, are you going to eat here with me?"

"I…umm…well yes I had planned on it…" I suddenly realized that I might have been presumptuous in bringing my plate here. "I thought you wanted company…but umm…I can go back to the others…"

"No!" He spoke quickly. "I mean, if you'd rather eat with them…"

"Okay, seriously, we just have to get over this whole awkward conversation thing…" I laughed a little and lifted my plate curiously. Everything on it was unfamiliar to me, and the smell wasn't the most appetizing. "You're glad of my company and I'm glad to provide it for you. Let's just end it there, okay?"

He grinned and nodded his eager approval. "I'm afraid I haven't got much practice at small talk—not the polite kind at least."

"I won't hold it against you," I assured him. "You've been nothing but kind to me."

For a moment I thought he might have been blushing, but then I decided that a man like him probably wouldn't blush.

"You're not eating," he noticed.

"Oh, I know…" I sniffed the food.

"You don't like it?"

"I've never tried it," I reminded him. "I just don't know what to expect."

"It's not especially tasty, I warn you," he grinned. "But it's sustenance at least. Go on," he encouraged when I still wasn't eating. "It's not that bad. Just taste it."

I smiled and took a forkful of food, which looked a little bit like beans and a little bit like porridge. I could only imagine what it would taste like. Not having eaten for a couple days, however, made me too hungry to put it off any longer and I closed my eyes and took a bite. True to the captain's warning, it wasn't that tasty; however, it wasn't awful either. My hunger caused me to take another bite quickly.

"See, it's not that bad, is it?"

I looked up and realized that he had been watching me intently. He was even laughing a little, though silently, as he continued to eat his own food.

"It's not terrible," I agreed. "I've definitely had better though."

"Yea, me too," he laughed. "Kaylee does the best she can with what we have. It's edible though."

"Yes it is," I took another bite.

We ate for a few more minutes in silence before he spoke again.

"How're you doing?"

I swallowed the bite in my mouth quickly and nodded slightly. "I'm okay…"

"Really?"

"No, not really, but I've decided it will be easier to pretend that nothing's wrong," I told him. "Who knows? Maybe I'll start believing it myself." He was giving me a funny look, and I suddenly felt self-conscious. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"No," he took a large bite, and I wasn't surprised to see him speaking with his mouth full. "To be honest, I find you very interesting."

"Interesting could be good, I suppose," I took another nibble of my food. "Maybe. Unless you mean it negatively."

"I don't, I promise."

For a few more minutes we were silent again. I hadn't realized how hungry I had been until I noticed that my plate was already empty, and I still wanted more. Unintentionally I glanced at the captain's plate.

"Are you still hungry?"

"I…no…I didn't mean to look…" I blushed. "I'm fine."

"I've eaten my fill," he told me. "I'm still weak, obviously…"

"And so you need to eat a much as you can to build up your strength."

"I can't eat any more, I swear!" He tried to force the plate back into my hands, but I was stubborn. "Charlotte, please take it. You've had a hard couple of days, plus as far as I know you haven't eaten in at least forty-eight hours. I can only imagine how hungry you must be."

I nodded. "I am rather hungry, yes, but I didn't want to seem gluttonous…"

"I won't tell anyone."

When he offered me his plate again I took it and ate hungrily until I had finished the remainder of his food.

"Thank you," I smiled bashfully when I had finished. "I needed that, I think."

"I'm sure you did," he started to lie back down, but was visibly in pain.

"Is there anything I can get for you?" I offered as I stood and once again put my hand behind his back to help him get situated. "A blanket or pillow or something?"

"Umm, sure, maybe a blanket," he pointed to the other side of the room. "There's one there."

I looked to where he was pointing and saw a blanket folded across a chair. I retrieved it and stretched it out across the captain's body. Without thinking of my actions, I naturally began to tuck the edges of the blanket beneath him, as though he were one of the children I babysat. When I realized exactly what I was doing, I stopped suddenly.

"Sorry…"

He didn't seem put off though; instead he was smiling. "Don't be. You're sweet."

"I'm foolish," I replied.

"Foolish? How so?"

I smiled at him, but didn't respond.

"Sorry, maybe I should talk less," he dropped his head back and didn't look at me for a moment.

"Actually, I think I might just go back to my room. I'm starting to feel tired again," I decided suddenly.

"Right, sure," he looked at me and smiled. "If you ever feel like talking, or umm, just sitting for company…"

"Maybe some other time," I took the plates and left the infirmary rather quickly. For some reason, the sitting and chatting with the captain had suddenly made me uncomfortable. I had an image in my mind of me spending the rest of my life on board this ship bringing supper to the wounded crew and never seeing my home again. The thought of it overwhelmed me and I could no longer sit still and pretend to carry on a civil conversation.

"Charlotte!"

I stopped just outside the dining area as Simon called to me.

"Did you enjoy your supper?"

"Very much actually," I smiled and continued into the room to clean my dishes. Simon followed and took them from me.

"You should go and get some sleep," he insisted. "I'll take care of these for you."

"Are you sure? I'm really not used to being waited on."

"Well, good, you shouldn't get used to it here," he grinned. "Just while you're settling in."

"Settling in," I shook my head. "That sounds like you expect me to be here for a while." I turned to leave the room and he spoke as I retreated.

"I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't," I told him without turning around. "I've had a couple very upsetting days."


	8. Chapter 8

The next day proved a little less upsetting, and in truth somewhat exciting. It was the first day I was able to see something other than the ship.

In the morning, I was awoken by Wash's loud voice echoing through the intercom system that was set up throughout the ship. The speaker in my room was too close to the head of my bed for me to ignore, even though I tried covering it with a pillow—I could still hear his voice coming through.

"We will be setting down in a little under ten minutes…unless there is some disastrous accident that involves all of our untimely deaths…which is always a possibility…"

I wondered if he was joking.

"But, it's looking positive, so I'd say get yourselves ready and we'll soon be in Haven."

I was so anxious to see the planet that I was out of bed in an instant. Since my clothing options were limited, I was forced to sleep in the lingerie that I had been found in, so I could wear the dress Inara had lent me without worrying about it being wrinkled from sleep. I dressed quickly, taking a little time to fix my hair in the mirror, and then rushed out to the cargo bay. Of course when I got there, I found myself alone.

With a few moments to consider, I thought about the captain, and wondered whether or not he had left the infirmary yet. I decided to check for myself, since there was no one around to give me instructions. At the door to the infirmary I ran into Simon who was exiting with his hands full of medicinal equipment.

"Good morning," I greeted him quickly.

"Good morning Charlotte," he smiled. "Did you sleep well? You look like you slept well."

I nodded. "I did actually." Glancing around him, I noticed that the table where the captain had been the previous day was empty.

"He's gone," Simon told me when he noticed my eyes drifting in that direction.

"Oh?" I tried not to sound too curious.

"I told him to stay down for at least another twelve hours, but he's very stubborn. He wouldn't hear of us landing and leaving the ship without him to lead the party."

"Well, he is the captain," I commented. "I would imagine he feels it to be his duty…"

"Not duty, exactly."

I jumped when I heard the captain speaking behind me.

"I just couldn't stand to have you all go off and leave me lying here by my lonesome."

I turned to him and found him with a very straight face. "You look better."

"I feel better," he agreed. "Still a mite achy, but I imagine that's just due to the fact the Doc had a bit too much fun poking me with sharp objects."

"I was helping you…" Simon grunted.

"You must be feeling better if you can joke," I decided. "I'm glad to see that a bullet wound can't keep you down."

"Yea, well, I'm manly like that," he tipped his head back in the direction of the cargo bay. "Everyone's gathering. Care to join?"

As we returned to the large room, I realized that we were starting the descent, because suddenly my head was feeling dizzy and my feet felt unsteady, as though my whole body was tilting. The captain seemed to notice because he reached out to steady me.

"If you're not used to it, the landing can be a bitch." Without letting go of my arm he walked me over to the foot of the steps that led up to the bridge and forced me to sit. "Hold onto something and try not to think about the motion."

For a brief moment I looked around and noticed that Kaylee and Simon were both holding onto something for balance, but neither seemed too disturbed. After another second I was forced to close my eyes, to prevent any further damage to my equilibrium.

We landed with a hard thud and some creaking on the ship's part. It also seemed to rattle a little more than necessary, but over all I had to admit it was rather smooth. More than I had expected at least. I stayed seated for a while longer, but I opened my eyes again and watched the captain messing with some buttons and levers and in another second the tall doors at the end of the cargo bay lowered and opened out into daylight. I was momentarily overwhelmed by the brightness, and closed my eyes again. When I had adjusted though, I realized how much I had missed sunlight in just a couple of days.

Unfortunately, my expectations of excitement and grandeur were not as rewarded as I had hoped. When we exited the ship, the place we had arrived at proved to be nothing more than a vast sandy landscape, very barren, with a few shanty structures that I assumed to be homes of some sort. It wasn't luxury by any means, and it definitely wasn't a very impressive first taste of the future living situations, but I was still excited.

The moment we had disembarked the ship as a group, everyone separated, going their own ways into the little town—if it could be called that—to pursue their own interests. I noticed Kaylee went instantly to a group of little children who had emerged to greet us, with wide curious eyes. Simon followed her at a slight distance, but she seemed completely oblivious to his shadowing presence. Zoe and Wash headed off together, hand-in-hand, towards the direction of what seemed to be the equivalent of this town's eating-place. I hadn't noticed where the Shepherd or River had gone before the captain had come up to my side.

"Everything you imagined?" He was actually grinning a little.

I returned the slight smile and shook my head. "I don't mean to be rude, but I assumed that this far into the future, with all the technologies that this universe had come up with…"

"You thought the towns would be more advanced as well?"

I nodded.

"Some of them are," he told me. "Some of the planets are incredible. There are others though that have not quite reached the technological advances."

"And this is one of those, I assume."

"Yep," he hooked his thumbs around his suspender straps as he surveyed the dusty planet. "We won't be here long. Only a couple days. We'll spend the nights on the ship and during the day you can do whatever you like. Get to know the people here."

"Didn't you say they were mostly criminals?"

"They're mostly harmless. Just idiots who like to get into trouble," he started walking away and then paused. "Make sure you keep your secrets to yourself."

"So, I'm supposed to get to know people without letting them get to know me?"

"Yea, pretty much. I know it's difficult, but you can't trust people here. The less people know of where you come from, the better."

"Fine," I nodded and turned back towards the ship.

"You're not coming out?"

"Not yet," I confirmed. "I…I just need some time to myself."

Without another word to the captain I returned to my room and shut the door to give myself privacy. I don't know exactly why I was so desperate to hide from everyone, but until I could explain everything to myself, I wasn't ready to deal with everyone else and their attempts at explaining things to me, or calming me, or whatever they wanted to do anytime they saw me. And now the perspective of meeting a whole bunch of new people who couldn't know the truth about me only made things more difficult. The whole situation was awkward and uncomfortable and I hated being uncomfortable.

I stayed in my room for hours, unable to bring myself to broach the planet that I was supposed to be exploring. If my privacy had not been disturbed, I would have likely stayed in my room for the whole night. River had different ideas though.

She didn't knock this time.

"River," I was surprised when she slid the door to my open and stepped in. "Hi…"

"You're alone."

"I am," I looked at her curiously. "You're very astute."

"You don't like to be alone. Alone you are like a tree without its leaves." Her eyes drifted away from me, but I could not guess what she was staring at. "There are no leaves…but once there were blossoms…" she smiled. "Beautiful blossoms that burst in the sunlight."

I couldn't understand what she was talking about, but there was something in the way she spoke that made my breath catch. Her words were like poetry, and I had a feeling that she was saying something far more beautiful and meaningful than I could ever grasp. If only I knew the code to unlock the secret of her speech.

"The colors are beautiful…no…they were beautiful…" she smiled and shut her eyes dreamily. "Pinks and reds…it was like the sky at sunrise…"

"All right sweetie, you've lost me," I cut her off finally. "Why have you come to me, River?"

She looked at me blankly.

"River," I reached out and she allowed me to take her hand and pull her down onto the bed beside me. "I wish I could understand you when you speak like you do," I told her. "I feel that there is so much in your head that you want us to know, but you can't share it with me…" I tenderly touched her head with my fingers. "Your brother has told me about you, but I wish I knew more. You are such a mystery."

She looked at me with a sad smile and pressed her hand over mine on her head. "If I look hard, I can still see your colors. Your blossoms are desperately trying to flourish, but they are trapped."

"My blossoms, right…" I tried not to offend her, but what she was saying sounded ridiculous. "Okay, sweetie, you're not speaking my language anymore." I shifted my position on the bed, trying to stretch out, but she sat at the end of it, blocking my feet. "If there's nothing else you needed…"

She looked at me suddenly. I was surprised by the sudden fear in her eyes. "Can I stay here with you?"

"What?"

"Just for now, for a little while. Can I stay with you?"

The sincerity of her request broke my heart. I couldn't deny her anything, and I didn't want to. Despite her inexplicable behavior and abnormal dialogues, she was a sweet girl.

"Of course you can stay here," I held out my hand and she grasped it very tightly. Sitting up on the bed, I moved closer to her and she automatically curled up against me. "Mei-mei…" the word was starting to become familiar to me, and I rather liked it. "What's wrong? What are you afraid of?"

River stayed tightly pressed against me, and her fingers twisted up in the material of my dress. I could feel her body trembling in my arms. She felt so fragile, like a porcelain doll, or a leaf.

"You have so much pain in your head, don't you?" I ran my fingers through her hair in what I hoped was a soothing manner.

It seemed to have a calming effect because after a moment I had coaxed her to lie down beside me on my bed, and her grip had loosened on my hand. Her body still trembled though, and so I started to hum softly. I chose a lullaby that my brother used to sing to me when I was young. He had made it up to help me sleep after our parents had died. For months I could only sleep when I was safely in his arms and he was singing to me. Though he saw that I grew out of the need to be sung to sleep, I had never forgotten the comfort that his words brought to me. Since I had been here I had almost forgotten how soothing his lullaby could be, but as I hummed, and then began to sing it to River, it brought me comfort as well.

I still sang even after River had fallen asleep. I did not stop until my privacy was again disturbed, this time by Simon. I stopped singing and raised my eyebrows at him questioningly.

"I've been looking everywhere for her…" Simon sighed and entered my room. "I'm sorry if she was bothering you."

"She hasn't been," I assured him, whispering so as not to wake her.

"Do you want me to take her now so you can go out and enjoy the village with the others?"

"It's fine, really," I smiled. "I'm not actually that interested in mingling at the moment."

"All right," Simon glanced at his sister. He seemed both nervous and relieved at the same time. "Let me know if you change you're mind."

"Don't worry so much Simon," I smiled at him. "About me or your sister."

"I'm a doctor, it's in my profession to worry."

"And you do it so well."

He smiled at me and left his sister in my care. I guessed that he had gone in search of Kaylee. I couldn't understand the relationship between those two. It was so obvious that they liked each other—everyone knew it—except they did nothing about it. It was as though they were the only two on the ship who were not aware of one another's feelings for each other.

"You really don't mind me being here?"

I hadn't realized River had woken up, so hearing her speak surprised me. I adjusted my arm so I was cradling her better and continued to stroke her hair.

"Mei-mei, you are always welcome here with me," I told her.

"You're not like the others," she commented quietly.

"How so?"

"They fear me," she said. "They hide from me when they're alone, and when in groups they question me and some…they…"

"What River?"

"Laugh. They laugh at what I say and think I do not know my words, but I do, I know my words and I know their words…" her voice was becoming anxious and strained. "But sometimes I do not know my words. I cannot say them and they become lost in my head…words like feathers floating in the wind…"

"Shh," I tried to stop her from speaking and stressing herself out as she was. I adjusted my position so she was better cradled in my arms. "Quiet my dearest. Don't let it worry you. I don't think you should care so much about what they think. They obviously don't understand you."

River pulled away from me so suddenly and looked at me so strangely that I thought I had done or said something to hurt her.

"River…"

She sat up and untangled herself from my arms in order to stand.

"Did I do something wrong?

"I must go," she said simply. "Must go. Must go."

"I understand," I stood and once again tried to quiet her. "If you must, you must, but please," I touched her arm gently, hoping I wouldn't upset her, "I wish you would stay."

Without another word, she fled from my cabin. I leaned out the door and watched her run away from the passenger area. I couldn't imagine where she was heading—possibly in search of her brother. I wasn't ready to do the same, so I withdrew back into my cabin and closed the door once again planning to have my privacy.


	9. Chapter 9

Of course, it once again didn't last. I almost ignored the knock this time, but it was persistent.

"Come in," I said at last.

The door opened and the captain peered in at me. "Are you sick?"

I smiled at his blunt question and shook my head. "I'm quite well, thank you."

"Good," he stayed in the doorway. "I just wanted to make sure. You've been sleeping a lot…usually that means something…"

"I'm not sick," I assured him.

"Then…"

"I just don't think I'm ready to mingle with any other new people from the future yet," I confessed. "I'm sorry. You have been so good to keep me here on the ship. I appreciate it, really, but I'm just not sure how I fit in here yet."

"I see," the captain's eyes shifted away from me in a way that made me believe he didn't quite see at all.

I sighed, wishing I could explain myself better, but not knowing how. He stood in the doorway for another moment and then looked up at me and gave me a very slight smile; his eyebrows were still furrowed though, which made him seem a little uncertain.

"What can I do?"

"Do?"

"I want you to feel like you can fit in here. I don't want you to be holed up in your room for who knows how long. You've been put through hell and your need to withdraw and hide from society…"

"I'm not hiding…"

"You are, but it's understandable. I get it. But I don't like it, not one gorram bit."

"I'm sorry…" I was a little shocked by his sudden intensity.

"Don't apologize."

"I'm sorry, but you're making me a little uncomfortable. I don't know what you want me to say."

"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, I just want you to know that you don't have to deal with this situation alone."

"I am alone though, Captain Reynolds."

He frowned and didn't speak for a moment. I wondered if I had somehow offended him, but again, I wasn't even sure what I was saying, so I didn't know how I could have offended him. It definitely wasn't intentional. He took a breath and let it out slowly, and then took a step away from the doorway, backwards out of my room.

"You're only alone if you want to be." He walked away without closing the door, and I could hear his footsteps retreating from the passenger quarters.

His last words stuck with me, and I hated him for it. I wanted to scream at him—tell him that he couldn't understand what I was going through and pretending to was just making it more difficult. Deep down though, I felt that perhaps he could understand, not in the same way through experience, of course, but somehow his emotional maturity and his compassionate soul seemed to enable him to understand the confusion and the pain that I was suffering at that moment.

_Maybe I should talk to him. Maybe I should talk to them all_. I considered the option for a moment, but I didn't budge from my bed.

It took me another hour to actually emerge from my room, and then it was only because I heard a loud commotion coming from the infirmary and my curiosity got the better of me, which it usually did. I hurried out of my room and to the window of the infirmary, so I could see what was happening without getting in the way, or even being noticed if I was quiet enough.

Inside the infirmary I saw Jayne stumbling around and knocking things over as he searched through drawers and cupboards. From my vantage point I could see the entire infirmary and a little ways through the door; he was entirely alone. Even though I had had little positive interaction with Jayne, if any at all, seeing him alone and fumbling around the infirmary like he was made me nervous, so I abandoned my secret post and walked around to the door.

"Jayne…"

"What're you doin' here?" He turned around so fast he nearly lost his balance.

"I didn't mean to scare you."

"I thought I was alone," he told her. "Everyone's out there mingling and all that. I didn't know anyone else was in here."

"Yea," I lingered in the doorway still. "I haven't gone out there yet."

"Oh right…"

"Umm, are you okay? You're not looking so good," I noticed he was seriously favoring his left leg. "Are you hurt?"

He grunted something unintelligible and turned away from me.

"Jayne, you're hurt," I insisted firmly when I spotted a splotch of blood staining his pant leg. "Where's the doctor?"

"Out," he grumbled.

"I'll go and get him for you…"

"No!"

"But you're hurt, aren't you?"

"I'm fine. I just need to find the gorram bandages!"

I stepped into the infirmary and hurried over to him. Before I could think about it rationally, I reached out and grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn around and face me.

"Don't touch me woman!"

"Wow, I didn't know I had traveled back to the cavemen times." I did not release my hold on him and he finally stopped fussing when he realized that I was serious. "Sit down before you do any more damage." I was surprised when he actually cooperated and took a seat on the table. "May I see what happened to you?"

He turned so he could put his leg up on the table as well and motioned toward the lower part of his shin. "Knife."

"A knife?" I carefully rolled up his pant leg until I could see the wound. It definitely looked like a knife wound—nearly two inches long and deep enough to need stitches. "Were you attacked?"

He was quiet.

"Jayne, this is pretty serious. I should get Simon…"

"No ruttin' way."

"Fine," I sighed. "I might be able to help."

"You?" He looked doubtful.

"I know some stuff…" I assured him. "Basic medical training. Nothing as advanced as Simon, but it could help." I analyzed the deep cut for a minute and then started searching around the infirmary for something to clean it with. "I might need you to help me figure out what some of these supplies are. In theory I know what I'm doing and Simon ran me through some of the equipment my first night here, but I might get confused because it's different than what I'm used to…do you know what everything is?"

Jayne looked at me blankly.

"I'll take that as a no," I sighed. "I'll figure it out."

"Why?"

"Why?" I smiled. "Umm, because you're hurt and bleeding like crazy…"

"I mean why are you helping me?"

"Like I said you're hurt and bleeding and I'm thinking I might feel bad if I let your wound get infected and kill you."

"Okay," he was quiet again and I took it as an indication that I was allowed to begin cleaning his wound, which I did with a towel that I found beside the sink.

"Are you ready to tell me what happened now?" I dabbed at his leg with the towel that I had moistened, trying to be as gentle as possible.

"I'd rather not."

"Don't you think I deserve a little honesty?"

"Deserve?" He laughed.

I scowled at him and shook my head, feeling that he would probably rather be anywhere but there at the moment, with anyone but me. "Look, I know that my being here is very unexpected, and probably very inconvenient, but the others seem to be managing okay…have I done something to offend you though? Because you seem to be having an especially difficult time with my presence."

"Nope," he answered plainly.

"Nope?" I echoed. "That's it? Jayne, come on," I stopped washing away the blood that had spilled from his wound and onto his leg. "I know I haven't exactly made an effort to get to know you, or the others for that matter, but I've tried to be nice and not make any trouble for anyone…"

"You're right," he agreed.

"I am?" I softly started dabbing at his leg again. "Then why do I feel like you hate me?"

"I don't hate you. I don't even know you."

"Exactly, that's what I'm saying!"

"I'm confused."

"None of you know me, and I don't know any of you, but I don't know how long I'm going to be here and I'd really rather I were at least on semi-friendly terms with you and the rest of the crew."

He looked at me for a moment, seeming to consider what I said and then he finally gave in.

"Put a gun in my hand and I can do my share of damage," Jayne started talking as I finished washing the deep cut. "Even Mal sees that. It's why he brought me on."

"Good for you." I wasn't sure what kind of response he had been looking for with that bit of information, but then I realized he wasn't looking for anything, just informing me of a fact.

"Knifes though, they're tricky. I don't know how to handle them gorram things right. They don't work in my hand like a gun does."

"You don't have to be good at everything."

"I didn't say I did," he retorted quickly. "I'm just sayin' I'm no good at handlin' them."

"Okay." I decided to stay quiet until he was finished with whatever he was trying to say.

"Most times a gun's enough. It's got the appropriate intimidation factor, you know?"

I nodded.

"Sometimes though, we've got to be doin' business with folks that feel more nervous 'bout knives then guns. They seem to think there's somethin' more dangerous about a man who can wield a knife properly than one who can pull a trigger on a gun."

"I can see that," I spoke without thinking and he glared at my comment, clearly annoyed that I wasn't of his opinion that guns were better.

"So, I thought I'd do a bit of practicin' with a knife to see if I couldn't get a lil' better at them."

"Oh…" I suddenly understood why he was telling me this story. "You cut yourself. This wound was an accident when you were practicing with your knives, wasn't it?"

He nodded.

"And that's why you didn't want Simon to come and stitch you up? You were embarrassed of how you got the cut?" I felt like hitting him for his pride, but decided it would not be the best way to make him trust me or continue to talk to me.

"Don't you laugh at me," he demanded.

"I wasn't going to," I lied in my most convincing tone. "Though I do think you should have Simon take a look at this."

"I thought you said you could take care of it."

"I said I might be able to, but it won't be half as good as what he could do."

"Don't care how good it is," Jayne assured me. "Just get it to stop bleeding."

"Okay," I surrendered the argument and began searching through the drawers that I had helped Simon organize earlier. I found the antiseptic that he had pointed out to me; I also found a new medium size needle along with the thick thread for sewing up the wound. "I've got to warn you that this will probably hurt like hell."

"Yea? Nothin' new to me."

"Good." I wiped down the wound with the antiseptic and then threaded the needle. As I lowered the threaded needle to the wound I realized my hands had started shaking slightly. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, shut my eyes, and counted to three before slipping the needle into his skin. "Oh god…this is disgusting."

"You're not too encouragin'."

"I'm sorry, but this is why I decided not to become a doctor. I'm not so good with the whole blood thing. I mean I can handle it, but I'd rather not make it a career." I went slow and steady, doing my best to ignore the squishiness and bloodiness. "Instead of medicine I switched to literature. Do you read…" I hesitated and rephrased my question. "Much?"

He laughed and I took it as my answer.

"Well, I do. I read everything. In fact these past couple of days are probably the longest I've gone without reading in years!"

"You talk a lot too."

"Sorry," I looked at him and realized he was scowling at me slightly. "I talk when I'm nervous. It's to keep my mind off of what I'm doing. You could talk to me instead. It might help."

"Yea, I'm not much of a talker."

"Oh, well, that's fine." I continued to sew in silence for a very brief moment. "How about singing? Do you sing?"

Now he glared at me.

"I'll take that as a 'no'." I continued sewing, but watched his face to see if he was feeling pain. He had been remarkably silent and controlled, but I saw the pain in his eyes. "I could sing to you."

"What would you do that for?"

I glared at his harsh tone. "Singing is supposed to be soothing. Haven't you ever heard of a lullaby?"

"Yea…" his tone had softened a little. "My mama used to sing this lullaby when I was small."

"When you were scared?"

"I don't get scared," he snapped.

"We all get scared Jayne," I corrected him in my gentlest tone. "Fear is human nature."

"Yea? What are you afraid of?"

"Are you serious? You have to ask?" I laughed for the first time in days. "I woke up on a _moon,_ hundreds of years in the future and have since been brought onto a _spaceship_ with a bunch of strangers who look at me like I'm the crazy one."

"Oh…right…that." He looked slightly apologetic, but didn't say anything else about it. "So, you said somethin' about singin' me a lullaby?"

I smiled. "I think I might have offered."

"Well, I might be acceptin' then."

"Okay, but I have to warn you, this isn't something I do very often. I'm not even sure if I have a good voice."

"That don't matter much for a lullaby."

He sounded serious and I couldn't help feeling surprised by his sudden likeability, so I obliged his request without any more discussion. I sang what was always in my head—my brother's lullaby. I only made it through a few lines before my emotions got the better of me and the memory of my brother brought tears into my voice and I had to stop.

Fortunately I had finished sewing up Jayne's wound by then.

"There." I tied off the stitching and covered it with a bandage. "All done. Does it hurt very badly?"

He shrugged, and I noticed the hint of manly resilience gleaming in his eyes. "I've had worse."

"I'm sure you have." His determination to be brave made me smile and out of instinct I quickly leaned down and pressed my lips against his bandaged leg. When I looked up at him again I noticed his expression had changed entirely—his confidence was gone and he now looked shocked and a little nervous. I blushed and took a step back. "I'm sorry…I wanted to make it better…"

He blinked at me and cleared his throat briskly. "I uh…I should go…I've got uh…stuff to do…" he stood and stumbled a little, but when I reached out to steady him he pulled away and insisted he could stand on his own. "Thanks for the help."

"Anytime." I watched him make his way to the door a little unstably. "Are you sure you don't need my help?"

"No."

The way he snapped at me made me stop offering. "All right…please do be careful though…and if it starts bleeding or anything bad seems to happen, promise me you'll let the real doctor take a look at it."

He didn't answer, but gave me a nod to indicate that he had heard me before leaving me alone in the infirmary. I watched him pass by the window until he was out of my sight and then I started to clean up the small mess I had made.

"What was that all about?"

The captain startled a slight yelp out of me as he spoke up from the doorway.

"Captain Reynolds…" I gave him a smile as my heartbeat returned to normal. "I thought you had gone out with the others."

"I did, but I came back in to fetch you."

"Fetch me?"

"I don't like you hiding in here by yourself like you are."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, just come on out."

I turned away from him and continued cleaning up.

"So, what was going on in here exactly?"

I wasn't sure what to say, but his fixed stare indicated that I would have to tell him something, and I decided the truth was the best option.

"Jayne cut himself and he was a little embarrassed to ask Simon to fix him, so I offered to take care of it. I have some medical training, so I knew I could handle it…"

"I'm surprised you volunteered."

"I was just trying to be nice."

"To Jayne?"

"I thought it might help…"

"Help what?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but Jayne hasn't exactly been doing his part to be friends with me."

"Yea, I had noticed actually. I'm sorry about that."

"It's not your fault. You've actually been pretty great considering…"

"Considering?"

"Yea, well, you know, considering everything about me…"

The Captain shrugged. "You're not all bad you know?"

"Thanks," I laughed. "I think."

"So, about that song…"

"Oh God, you heard that? That's embarrassing. No one was supposed to hear that except for Jayne…"

"Why does he get special treatment?"

"He was hurt," I reminded him. "And I knew that sewing up his wound would be painful and even though he doesn't like to admit it, Jayne feels pain just like everyone else. I was just trying to make it easier for him. The song was a lullaby that my brother used to sing to me."

"You have a brother?"

I realized that I had said more than I had meant to, so I silenced myself and turned away from him, hoping he wouldn't press the matter. He clearly picked up on the sudden tension and he fortunately respected my silence.

"Will you come outside with me?" He asked.

I started to refuse, but he continued to stare at me, and I changed my mind. "Okay. You win."

"Really?"

"You're not changing your mind now are you?"

"Nope," he nodded. "Let's go."

I tried to procrastinate a bit longer, but I had finished cleaning and had nothing left to do, so I had to follow him. He led me off the ship and out into the dry and sunny expanse that was Haven.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews! It makes me happy to see that people are reading this story, because I'm really enjoying writing it. This update is a little longer than most, but I got a little carried away. Hope you like it, and if you do, please review! If you don't feel free to review as well. I appreciate constructive criticism. _

"Where is everyone?"

The captain looked around noncommittally and shrugged. "Around."

"You don't seem very concerned."

"I'm their captain, not their mother. They're free to do as they please when we're not on assignment."

"Oh, there's Shepherd Book." I pointed to the Shepherd who was sitting with a few strangers, bent over his bible.

"Yea, he likes preaching to anyone who will listen."

"I take it you're not one of those people…"

"Not exactly."

"There's Simon…" I pointed in the opposite direction where Simon was trying to communicate with River, but she seemed more interested in frolicking away from him than listening to anything he had to say.

"Kaylee can't be far behind." The Captain observed. He pointed suddenly and I saw Kaylee lurking near to the doctor, casting her eyes occasionally in his direction.

"Why don't they just date?"

"We don't do a whole lot of dating in our line of work. There isn't much time or opportunity," The captain explained. "Other than Zoe and Wash, Inara's the only one who's getting any action, but it's sort of her job."

I didn't want him to know that his comments made me a little embarrassed, so I looked away, focusing on nothing off in the distance.

"Where do you think Wash and Zoe are? They're the only ones who aren't out here…except for Jayne, but I sent him to his room to rest."

"I suspect Wash and Zoe are in their room doing the nasty…" he stopped suddenly and made eye contact with me. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"The way I keep talking…it's sort of…I don't know…crude. Isn't it?" He shrugged. "I'm not use to watching what I say."

"I hope you don't feel like you have to watch what you say with me. I don't want to put you out in any way…"

"You're not putting me out." He made sure I was following as he started strolling away from the ship.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to do anything differently than you normally would. Like right now for instance…if there's something else you should be doing if I weren't here…"

"There's nothing else I need to be doing right now. I want to make sure you're having a good time. You know, enjoying yourself." He looked at me strangely. "_Are_ you enjoying yourself?"

I shrugged. "I guess. I don't know. More than I would have thought, but it's complicated, you know? There is so much to think about that prevents me from really enjoying myself. I can't stop thinking about everything…I can't stop thinking about home."

"Tell me more about your home. Your family must be going crazy wondering what happened to you."

I shook my head. "I don't have any family. There's no one to wonder about me."

"No one?"

"That must be why they chose me. I would be a pretty tempting target. I doubt anyone would ever report me missing."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. It's just…you mentioned a brother…"

"I had a brother. I don't anymore."

He was quiet and I knew he wanted to know more, but didn't want to ask, so I told him.

"My brother was everything to me. My parents died when I was very young and he was all I had left in the world. A few years later though, he went off to fight for his country and he died."

"In a war?"

"No. He wasn't a soldier. He was in the government. I don't know how he died. All I know is what they told me, and that's that he disappeared one day and that they had enough evidence to believe he had been murdered." I wouldn't look at the captain because I knew my eyes were watering. "I've been alone ever since."

He was quiet.

"I'm sorry…can we talk about something else?"

"Of course we can," he obliged quickly. "I shouldn't ask about personal stuff."

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."

River had managed to evade Simon's attempt for conversation and was now a short distance away from him, laughing and dancing merrily. She was fun to watch, and strangely soothing, but there was still an element to her that was a little eerie. Whenever she looked at me, I felt like she could see everything that I was thinking—and even things I didn't necessarily know I was thinking.

"Why do you keep them?" I asked without giving it any thought.

"What?"

"Oh, sorry…" I realized that I had spoken out loud. "I was just thinking about Simon and River. He told me that it took you a little while to let them stay on your ship because of their past and all the trouble they could cause, but you let them stay."

"I guess I'm just a good person."

I didn't mean to laugh, but I couldn't stop myself.

"I am!" He insisted.

"That's not why I was laughing," I assured him. "I'm sure you are a very good person. It just sounded a little funny…" I paused and took on a much more serious tone. "You didn't have to let them stay. And considering the fact that they're fugitives, and River's a little unstable, it seems like it would have been better if you hadn't have kept them at all."

"What do you want me to say?"

I was surprised by how tense he sounded. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to know why."

"You seem to be searching for a specific answer."

"Not searching, no…I just feel there's something deeper to your reason than feeling that it was the right thing to do."

He was quiet.

"Where is she?" I asked quietly, feeling instinctively that I was right, and knowing I shouldn't pry, but unable to help myself.

"Who?" He didn't look at me.

"Your sister."

He was quiet again and I regretted my question.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."

"No, it's fair. I asked you about your brother." He finally looked at me and I saw an expression of sadness in his eyes I hadn't seen before. "I'm just surprised you guessed. None of my crew knows I have a sister."

"I just assumed," I explained. "The way you can sympathize with Simon's situation, and there was something in your eyes when I told you that my brother had left me…"

"You're right. I had a sister—a younger sister."

"Did she…" I hesitated. "Is she dead?"

"No," he answered quickly. "Well, maybe. I like to think she's not, but the truth is, I don't rightly know."

I was quiet, hoping he would continue without me prodding him, and he did after a moment.

"When the war started, I was young. I was always a little reckless and maybe a bit too independent for my own good, but as soon as I was old enough, I joined the fight. Unfortunately, it wasn't the fight my parents wanted me to be a part of. They supported the Alliance. Me fighting for the Independence was something they couldn't stand for. From the day I left, my parents cut me off entirely. My sister was too young to understand what was going on; she was only ten at the time. I tried to contact her after the war, but my parents intervened. As far as I know they told her I was dead."

Without realizing it, my eyes had started watering and now tears slipped down my cheeks. He noticed almost instantly.

"Are you crying for me?"

I nodded, a little embarrassed. "And for your sister. I know how hard it was for me when my brother left…were you close with her?"

The captain nodded. "As close as a brother and sister can be with six years between them. The only thing I've ever regretted about fighting in that gorram war is that I had to leave Avery, and I'll probably never see her again."

"Maybe you will one day."

He looked at me briefly and then looked away. I wondered if I had asked too much, and I hoped he wouldn't resent me for it.

He suddenly stopped walking and turned around. "Come with me."

I stared at him blankly.

"Come on!" He was actually grinning a little, which intrigued me enough to follow him.

He led me back towards the ship, and I wondered if he was already finished showing me around, but instead of entering the ship, he circled around to the side of it and I saw steps constructed into the metal body of the ship.

"Wait, seriously?" I hesitated.

"What's wrong?"

"You want me to climb up there? Why?"

"Just trust me." He was still grinning. "Come on."

"I don't know if that's something I want to do…"

"What? Is this a vertigo thing? You afraid of heights?"

"No, not at all actually," I assured him. "Heights are one thing that have never gotten to me. My brother was terrified of heights…" I briefly laughed at the memory, but if I reflected on my brother for too long I felt my emotional side acting up again.

I was once again impressed by the Captain's keen awareness of my emotional instability as he quickly tried to put my mind on something else.

"Come on, trust me this once and if I lead you astray you can hit me."

"Hit you?"

He was grinning even wider and I finally let myself recognize how attractive he really was, but I tried to ignore it. "Yea. If it helps."

"Okay," I couldn't keep myself from smiling. "If I have your word that I may hit you…"

He nodded and motioned me forward to start climbing up the precarious ladder. "I'm right behind you."

As I reached the last rung of the ladder I hesitated, debating whether it would be safe to walk around on the top of the spaceship. Though the height wouldn't bother me, I still wasn't convinced that my balance would be a hundred percent in this strange future, so I opted for crawling onto the flat metal surface. A moment later I heard his heavy boots clump against the metal behind me; he was standing and grinning down at me.

"I thought you weren't afraid of heights."

"It's not the height that worries me," I explained. "I'm not sure if I can keep my balance. I don't know what kind of gravity you have here."

"Kind? Are there different kinds of gravity?"

I thought about it for a moment and then realized how ridiculous I must sound. I understood why he was suddenly laughing at me, though strangely I didn't mind it. This was the first time I had seen him laugh genuinely, and it made me feel more comfortable with him than I had yet.

I started to stand, but he shook his head. "Stay down. I don't want you falling off of something."

"I won't…" I was stubborn when I set my mind to something.

"No, really, stay down." To make sure I did, he quickly sat beside me.

"Okay, you got me up here. Are you going to tell me why?"

He stared straight ahead, but I could see he was still grinning. "Just wait."

I frowned. Heights I could handle, but patience had never been one of my talents.

After a moment I spoke again. "What are we waiting for?"

He glanced at me sideways. "Seriously? You can't wait a couple minutes."

I shook my head. "I might be more patient if you entertained me."

"You already know my deep dark secret. What else do you want to know about me?"

"What do you do when you're not flying?"

"I'm always flying."

"Yea, okay, but what about when you're not flying."

He stared at me blankly.

"Like right now for instance. If I weren't here, what would you be doing while the rest of your crew plays." I smiled. "Do you play?"

"Play?" His expression was even more confused.

"Maybe that was the wrong word…but seriously, what do you do when you're taking days off from flying or from work. How do you enjoy yourself?"

"It varies. And it depends on where we are. When we come to Haven—which isn't as often as you might think— I either visit with the others here, or get some extra sleep."

"That's it?"

"What do you want to hear?"

"I don't know. I guess I was hoping to hear that you had some great way of amusing yourself—you know, something really fun."

"Fun?"

"Look over there," I pointed down to the right where Wash and Zoe were sitting near to one another and laughing over some private joke.

"They're married," the captain reminded me.

"And there." I now pointed out Kaylee and Simon who seemed to be playing some version of tag; they were also laughing.

"They're flirting."

"And Jayne?" I pointed to where he was standing, having a rather animated conversation with a strange girl.

"He's horny."

I fought my urge to laugh.

"Sorry."

"Captain, you don't have to keep apologizing for things you say to me."

"And you don't have to keep calling me 'captain'."

I smiled. "It feels proper."

"Yea, I've never been big on proper."

"Zoe calls you 'captain'."

"Zoe fought in the war with me. She's stuck on the formality of titles."

"Oh, I see, so if I were to stop calling you 'captain,' what would I call you instead?"

He laughed. "Well, my name could work."

"Right…" I felt myself blushing. "Malcolm."

"Just Mal."

"Right. Mal." I couldn't entirely explain why saying his name made my skin tingle, but I kept my eyes straight ahead to be safe.

"Are you ready?" He touched my arm suddenly and I jumped, pulling away instinctively. He couldn't miss the abrupt motion, and he quickly withdrew his hand. "Sorry…I didn't mean to…well I…sorry…"

"It's fine," I spoke too quickly. "I didn't mean to react like that. It just made me jump…"

"Of course."

I wasn't sure if he actually understood my reason. I wasn't sure if I understood my reason, but I felt compelled to try and explain it to him.

"I wasn't expecting it, and your touch reminded me of those men who touched me."

His reaction to my statement was completely understandable. He started shifting and looked away from me, clearly uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." I wished I hadn't said anything. "I probably shouldn't explain…"

"No, it's fine," he forced himself to look at me. "If you want to talk, I can listen."

I shook my head. "Maybe it's better if I don't. I just wasn't expecting it, all right?"

He nodded, and I hoped things could be normal again, but I noticed he had moved a slight distance away from me, and I felt frustrated with myself for letting my reactions be so linked to my emotions. The next moment though I had forgotten everything as I realized why he had brought me up there.

The large sun that had been so blindingly bright for the past hour that I had been outside had started to slip lower in the sky, clearly indicating the sunset. The deep red that it melted into was so much bolder and beautiful than anything I had ever seen on earth; it was literally breathtaking. I wasn't sure how long I had been holding my breath before the captain pointed it out to me.

"It's incredible!"

"I thought you'd enjoy it."

The awkwardness of before started to vanish, as we were able to calmly discuss the natural beauty before us.

"It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen."

The sun seemed to grow larger as it got closer to the horizon.

"I wanted you to experience something that wasn't terrible, since you've been through so much bad. I thought this might help."

"It does," I assured him. I held my breath again for a moment as the brilliant orb dropped entirely out of sight, leaving only a slight golden-red glow behind in the sky. I let out my breath and looked at him. "Thank you for sharing it with me."

He nodded. "I've never seen a sunset to compete with Haven."

The idea of multiple planets, each with their own type of sunset, suddenly excited me. "I want to see them all." I spoke without thinking.

"All?"

I shrugged. "I just think it would be really amazing to experience a hundred different sunsets. I mean, I don't even know if there are a hundred different planets, but you know what I mean."

"I do. We'll just have to make sure you see as many as possible."

"Really?"

He nodded, and then stood. "Come on. We should climb down before the light's gone completely. It's dark enough as it is."

I was a little disappointed to be leaving so soon. There was something serene about sitting up high like we were, away from everyone else, but I knew the captain had only brought me up here for the sunset. He couldn't be expected to want to sit with me for no purpose.

"Captain, if it's okay with you, I'd sort of like to stay here for a little while."

"Here? In the dark?"

"Yes, if that's okay."

"You don't have to ask my permission for something you want to do. I'm not in charge of you."

"You kind of are though," I spoke instinctively.

He frowned. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to make you feel like I was trying to order you around or something."

"I didn't mean it like that." I instantly regretted what I had said. "I just meant that I'm sort of at your mercy here on your ship. You are the captain and that makes you in charge of everyone, including me, since you took me into your care…" I stopped myself, again regretting the words I had chosen. "I don't mean that I think you're necessarily responsible for me or anything, I just…"

"It's fine. I think I know what you mean." he cut me off and I was grateful to not have to flounder anymore. "I am in charge of you technically, I 'spose. But I just don't want you to feel like I'm trying to control you or boss you around."

I shook my head. "I don't feel that way at all."

"Good."

"So, I suppose I should just tell you that I would like to stay out here then, and not bother to ask for permission."

He shrugged. "What do you want to stay out here for? It's going to get mighty cold in a bit."

I considered the thin material of the dress I was wearing—I still only had the one I had borrowed from Inara—and briefly reconsidered my plan, but already the dark sky was coming alive with brilliant twinkling stars, and I couldn't pull myself away.

"It's too beautiful."

"What is?"

"The sky," I pointed upward and I saw his head tilt that direction. "The sunset was one thing, but the stars…" my voice trailed off. "I just want to see if they are closer here than they were when I used to watch them back home."

He still stood, towering over me, but after another moment he sat again. "If you'd like to stay out here, I think I might like it too."

I glanced at him briefly, but didn't say anything.

"If that's all right with you, 'course."

"Now you're asking me for permission?"

"Not really," he shrugged. "I just didn't want to be in the way if you had meant to make this some sort of private moment between just yourself and the stars."

"Hmm…" I had to admit it sounded nice, but I couldn't deny that I was excited when the captain sat down again, choosing to stay with me. "No, it's fine that you're here too. I'd probably get lonely up here all by myself." I laid down on my back so I could have a better vantage point for the sky and after a brief moment, he did the same.

"Are they still the same?" I wondered out loud.

"How do you mean?"

I realized I had spoken out loud and clarified for his benefit. "The stars. I wonder if they've changed in five hundred years. I don't recognize any of the constellations…"

"We're not in the same galaxy as Earth-that-was."

"Oh…right…" I suddenly had a new awareness of how far away from my old life I really was.

I could feel him turn his head to look at me and I hoped he couldn't see my tears in the dark.

"I'd show you new ones, but I don't know their names." He paused. "Sorry." He seemed to feel personally responsible for my current unhappiness.

"It's okay." I smiled and tried to blink away my tears.

"Back in your world…who would be here with you instead of me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Who did you watch stars with?"

I laughed. "No one."

"Really?" He sounded genuinely shocked.

"I've never really had anyone. No one to watch the stars with me or anything…"

He was quiet, except for the slight rustling of him repositioning himself. I thought he was moving farther away from me, and I wondered if I had made him uncomfortable. I seemed exceptionally good at making people uncomfortable since I had arrived here.

Neither of us spoke again for a few minutes. Eventually the cold caught up to me and I started to shiver.

"We should go in. You've got to be freezing."

"I am a bit," I confessed. "Was my shaking that obvious?"

"No, I didn't realize you were shaking! We should have gone in before it got dark, Charley. I don't want you gettin' sick." He started to sit up.

"Wait!" I gasped and grabbed his arm reactively. "Look!" I felt his arm tense instinctively under my touch and I pulled my hand away. "Sorry, I got excited."

"About what?"

"There was a falling star."

"Oh, is that all?"

I felt a little foolish for my overzealous reaction. "Sorry. Falling stars just make me really happy."

"I can see that."

"You're supposed to wish on them, you know?"

"Yea, I think I've heard that before."

"It doesn't sound like you've ever tried it though."

"No, can't say I have," he laughed a little.

"That's a shame." I exaggerated a sigh. "I feel sad for you."

I felt him staring at me again, and this time I returned his stare. He was grinning. Actually grinning. It was the most genuine smile I had seen him show yet, and even though I knew it was at my expense, I really liked seeing it. Maybe it was the smile, or maybe it was the darkness, but I was feeling more like myself than I had in years. If I weren't so cold, I would have wished for this rooftop night to never end.

"Promise me that the next time you see a falling star, you'll make a wish on it."

He nodded. "Promise."

"Good."

"Do you want to watch for another one now?"

I hesitated. _Yes, of course_, was my instinctive reaction, but the cold was biting through my thin dress and I could feel the goose bumps rising on my arms, so I had to refuse. "Not now. To be honest, I'm absolutely freezing! Another time though, I'd love to watch for falling stars with you."

"Yea? Okay then." He stood and reached down to help me to my feet. Even when I was successfully on my feet though, he didn't let go of my hand. "Now you've got to be careful going down. It's dark and it's goin' to be difficult findin' your footing."

"I'll be all right," I assured him.

"Just the same, I'll go down first, and I'd like you to come down right after me, so I can make sure you don't slip."

"Yes Sir." I was teasing, but then I realized that in the dark he might not have been able to tell.

"All right then, _ma'am_," he replied in an equally sarcastic tone.

I laughed, but when he let go of my hand I realized that I was actually a little worried about finding my footing for the descent. "Umm, Mal…"

"Yea?"

"I can't really see anything…"

"Oh, right, of course not. Umm, hold on then." I felt his hand on my arm. "I want you to get down on your hands and knees and go down the ladder backwards, okay?"

"Okay…" I got down on my knees as he instructed and felt him move around me towards the ladder.

"I'm going to hold onto your ankles to make sure you find the ladder all right."

A moment later I felt his hands grasp my ankles and I instinctively jerked away, but I controlled myself and relaxed. The captain guided my feet to the ladder and I found my footing easily. I scooted my knees backwards until they were on air, and then began the slow descent downwards. I could descend with confidence, knowing the captain was directly behind me, prepared to catch me if I slipped.

"You're almost there…" the captain urged me on and a moment later I felt his hands on my waist as he helped me touch down to the ground. "Not so bad, was it?"

"Not at all," I agreed. "A little thrilling actually."

"I'm glad you feel that way." I couldn't see his expression at all, but from his tone I felt that he was grinning. "Come on, let's get inside!" he kept his hand on my arm, very lightly, but enough to guide me, and we walked back towards the entrance of the ship.


	11. Chapter 11

"Where have you been hiding?"

I wondered if Jayne had anything better to do with his time then hang around and make people uncomfortable. At the moment his muscular frame stood just inside the cargo bay, blocking our way like a large beast. He reminded me of a picture of a Viking I had seen in a history book once.

"We weren't hiding," the Captain replied. I thought there was a bit of defensiveness in his tone but decided it was my imagination.

"There you are Captain," Zoe descended the steps into the cargo bay. "I've been looking for you. Where've you been?"

"We weren't doing anything." This time there was no mistaking his defensiveness.

"Someone has a guilty conscience," Kaylee observed as she entered with Simon.

For a moment I thought the Captain might actually be blushing. I decided to save him from whatever inner humiliation he was putting himself through. "The Captain took me up on top to watch the sunset."

"The sun set almost an hour ago," Simon mentioned.

"I wanted to stay and watch the stars. They're so beautiful."

"_You _were star gazing Captain?" Kaylee grinned.

Jayne snickered. "I'm sure he was gazin' at somethin'."

I ignored him and headed towards my room, briefly pausing beside the Captain. "Thank you for sharing the view with me." I continued away into the back, into my room. I was only slightly surprised to find River perched on my bed.

"Did you let him have sexual intercourse with you?"

I stopped just inside the doorway. "What?"

She repeated her question with a perfectly calm face.

"I know he wants to have sexual intercourse with you. He thinks of it often when you are in the room."

"River, I rarely doubt you, but right now you don't know what you're saying." I moved to the mirror and wasn't surprised to see my face was flushed. I could see River's reflection in the mirror—she was smiling in that sly, knowing way she so often did. "Stop looking at me like that River. Captain Reynolds has never even considered me that way…"

"Don't you notice how he acts when you're near him? Everything's tense. Everything's hot. All nervous…all flushed…it's the increase in his pheromones that does it."

I blushed again.

"You're all red now. You want to have sexual intercourse with him too."

"I do not! I've never even…I never would…" I shook my head desperately. "I don't want to have sex with anyone."

River grew very silent. I turned away from the mirror and analyzed her changed expression. Her eyes watered, her cheeks were pale, and her lips quivered.

"River?" I moved to her side and reached out to her.

"All gone. All taken. They took it from you. They made you bleed and the stole it…" she covered her mouth with her hands and I noticed her fingers also trembled. "And now you can't have it…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Your petals have been torn off and you are all alone and bleeding…" she started to cry.

"I'm not bleeding sweetheart."

"No more petals…" she clung to me as I stood in front of her, and she sobbed against my stomach.

"I don't know how to help you if I don't know what you're talking about…" I stroked her hair gently and let her cry for almost a full minute.

She stopped suddenly and looked up at me, blinking her round eyes twice. "I'm sorry." She still clung to me.

"For what mei-mei? You didn't do anything wrong!"

"I brought up pain for you."

"No," I shushed her soothingly. "No you didn't."

"Really?" she nuzzled her head against my stomach again. "You still have no blossoms."

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I still don't know what you mean, but I'm sorry I don't have blossoms."

"It's not your fault. You didn't steal your own blossoms." River held me more tightly. "You'll get them back somehow. I promise."

"Okay," I agreed with her because I thought it was best.

"I promise," she repeated.

I was afraid she was about to start crying again, but at that moment, Simon stepped up to the doorway of my room with a curious and concerned frown. Before he said anything I shook my head and consoled him with a smile.

"Did you need something?" I asked.

He still looked concerned. "I wondered where she had gotten to. I was worried."

"You're always worried," she smiled as she finally lifted her head to look at her brother.

"Are you all right, River?"

I kissed her forehead. "She's fine."

"It's not me you have to worry about." River stood, but clasped my hand tightly and Simon turned his worried gaze to me instead.

"I'm fine," I assured him.

"What's going on here?" The Captain stepped up next to Simon and peered into my room. "Why wouldn't she be fine?"

"No reason whatsoever." I raised my eyebrows defiantly.

"Good," the captain grinned. "I came to see if you were hungry. You've been hiding out so much today, I don't know if you've eaten at all."

I hadn't thought of it until that moment, but he was right. So I nodded and guided River out of my room, pushing past the men in the doorway.

"Doc, take your sis now, I'm going to take Charley up to the kitchen." Mal motioned me forward and I passed River off to Simon.

"I'm sorry you have to wait on me this way. I would help myself, but I'm not sure I would be able. Everything is so foreign."

"It doesn't bother me at all, you know? It's my ship and I should be serving you."

I shrugged. "I suppose, though you could ask someone else to help me. You're the captain—this isn't your job."

"Do you not want me to come with you?"

"What?" I was surprised by his question. "Of course I do. I just don't want to put you out at all…"

"You know, you're a little insecure, aren't you?"

I frowned, not liking his analysis of me. Also I realized he had discovered one of my vices, which I sort of wished he hadn't. We were almost to the top of the stairs leading out of the cargo bay.

"I've upset you, huh?" He sighed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to."

I laughed. "Now who's insecure?"

"Me?" I laughed. "I am not insecure."

At the top of the steps I turned left and he took my arm to stop me. He inclined his head to the right and I realized my misdirection. I let him continue to hold onto my arm until we arrived at the dining area. There he released me and we entered the kitchen together.

"I have to warn you…" the captain started searching through the kitchen. "Food's not my talent. I can make something to live on, but it's not going to be very tasty."

"Whatever you make will be fine, I'm sure."

"No really, I'm not being modest. It'll barely be edible. The food's not real good to start with, but Kaylee makes it bearable at least."

"Good evening."

I turned towards the new voice and smiled at the Shepherd.

"It's nice to see you two have found your way back. You've missed dinner."

"We noticed," the captain replied as he continued perusing the kitchen.

"We weren't really gone that long, were we?" I was shocked by how fast the time had gone with the captain. I had no awareness at all of how much time had passed. I noticed how the shepherd's eyes were flicking back and forth between the captain and me and I wondered what he was thinking.

"Bread?" Captain held up a dinner role and I nodded. "We don't have any fixings for it though…"

"It's fine," I assured him and took the bread. It was a little stale, but soft enough to be appetizing. The more I ate, the more I noticed my hunger.

"Have you looked in the box yet, Captain?" Shepherd Book pointed to the wooden box on the counter.

"What's in it?" I asked.

The Captain opened the box and grinned. "You're spoilin' us Shepherd."

"We have many friends here who want to show their kindness to us."

"What is it?" I repeated.

"Apples." The captain pulled one out and tossed it to me.

"I'm getting the feeling that fruit is rare here."

"For us, it mostly is," the captain agreed.

"Captain, might I have a word?"

Mal and I both looked at Shepherd Book curiously, and I noticed the hesitancy in the captain's face. He glanced at me and then back to the Shepherd who waited patiently.

"You too, Doc?"

I turned and realized the doctor had entered the kitchen as well. Simon nodded to the captain, and I knew I was no longer welcome.

"I think I'm going to head to bed now," I excused myself. "Thanks for the food." I smiled to all three and left the kitchen, hoping I could find my way back without problems. Of course I had every intention of returning to my room, but my curiosity had always been too strong for my own good. I tiptoed back to the doorway and stayed pressed against the wall outside the kitchen to listen.

"I know…" the captain was speaking. "I've heard the lecture before. There's a special hell for me…nothing's happening."

There was a deep sigh. "Something you want to say Doc?" The captain grunted.

"I think you know what I want to say," Simon replied.

"Nothing's going to happen." The captain repeated.

"Good." The Shepherd and the Doctor spoke together.

"Is there more you'd like to say?" The captain demanded.

"She's very young," Simon spoke softly. "And very scared."

"I know." The captain responded sharply.

"She has been through so much, and though she is clearly strong, she may be more vulnerable than any of us realize."

"Do you really think I'd ever…"

"I don't know what you may be capable of, Captain. She is very kind and very beautiful, and she is alone here without protection."

"So is Kaylee. Have I ever touched her? Or River for that matter?"

There was a brief silence and then Simon spoke again very softly. "Forgive me. Perhaps I misjudged you."

"Yea, maybe you did."

Another silence.

"It's only, I see how you look at her…" Simon continued.

"Yea? So I look. You said yourself she's beautiful. Looking never hurt nobody."

"Yes, but I also see the way she looks at you."

Outside the door I froze. I hadn't realized that I looked at the Captain in any unusual way. I wondered what Simon had noticed.

"What're you talking about?" The captain asked.

"She trusts you," Simon explained.

"And that's a bad thing?"

"No of course not. She should trust you. I'm afraid for what will happen if the trust becomes something more. She might become too trusting for her own good."

"Too trusting?" The captain grunted. "You mean you think I'll hurt her."

"I think she might become attached to you. And I think you might become attached to her."

The captain laughed, and I couldn't help feeling a little sad.

"It's not going to happen, Doc."

"Perhaps it's easy for you to assert that now, but what if you learned that she perhaps had become too fond of you…"

"Would it be so wrong?" The captain asked. "Why do attachments have to be dangerous?"

"She doesn't belong here."

I cringed at the firmness in Simon's tone. He was right of course. I hadn't forgotten that I didn't belong there; it was impossible to forget that. I just wished there was a way to feel more comfortable there, and I wished they could feel more comfortable having me there. I didn't know how long I would be stuck there, but I didn't want it to be awkward the whole time.

"I know she doesn't belong here." The captain's response was firm—a little sharp even. He was quiet for a moment, and then he sighed and spoke again. "Nothing's going to happen. She's just a kid, okay? I know that. I'm just being nice to her."

"I'm afraid you're being too nice," Simon told him.

"What? Do you want me to be mean to her?"

"No, of course not."

"I think what the Doctor is trying to say, is that we want you to be certain that you are doing everything possible to put her at ease, but beyond that, you should maintain a distance."

"Fine. I will. I mean, I do. I keep a distance."

I thought it was strange how defensive the captain sounded. He had no reason to sound so defensive. I thought the captain had been nothing but polite; he hadn't crossed any boundaries as far as I could tell.

"Look I'm your captain. It's none of your gorram business how I interact with her."

I could hear him moving and figured he was moving in my direction, so I rushed off on tiptoes so as not to make any noise. I made it back to the steps without anyone exiting the kitchen. I didn't pause or look back as I continued rushing down the stairs and towards my room. I half expected River to be there again, but she wasn't, and I was actually a little relieved to be alone again.

I curled up on my bed and shut my eyes. I wasn't tired, but sleep seemed more soothing than staying awake. I was asleep in less than a minute.


End file.
